Tough Guys Thrashed My Car
by
Rebelbagwan

It was a beautiful morning, cool but sunny and windless, I had been for a walk and was returning to my car, turning a corner my serenity was suddenly and brutally vanished by the sight of two men standing next to my 1974 Saab sedan.

Unbelievably (the vision was utterly shocking to me ) they both had base ball bats in their hands and were taking it in turns to savagely attack the Saab with random but deliberate swings.

I stopped in my tracks several meters from the scene and struggled to comprehend the situation, the front and back windscreens were shattered, all the lights were broken and the car was dented from one end to the other.

I cried out painfully, "What the hell are you doing to my car?"

(for descriptive purposes I will refer to the perpetrators as Thug 1 and Thug 2)

Thug 1 was dressed in dirty denim tight jeans, gray T shirt, Kung Fu slippers and both vandals had long dragon tattoos on their forearms.

Thug 2 was dressed exactly the same as thug 1, but appeared to have an ear missing .

Thug 1 laughed and said, "Your car?" and slammed the baseball bat with great force onto the already dented roof.

My mind reeled at the utter devastation confronting me and I desperately struggled to find an answer. Why? Why my car? What could I have possibly done to deserve this?

Both thugs had already ignored my presence and as if to insult me further increased the ferocity of the rabid assault on the wounded Swedish steel.

I decided to act without thinking or considering the consequences and having already given up on the search for an explanation I saw my only sane course of action: A Citizens Arrest.

I approached Thug 1 as he was in the process of bringing his bat down on the bonnet and calmly but very firmly spoke:

"Put the bat down and step away from the car..."

Thug 1 turned to see if I was "for real", even to me it sounded like an absurdly bold, pompous and perhaps a trifle foolish statement (under the circumstances).

Before Thug 1‘s lips could curl into a mocking smile I grabbed the arm swinging the bat and using his own force against him cleverly diverting the blow of the bat onto the back of thug 2.

(This is standard non -violent practice, any one who watched David Carradine playing the always violent and paradoxically anti violence hero in the Kung Fu series would be versed in the philosophy of using an opponents own force against the person which was exactly what I was attempting to do.)

Thug 2 shrieked in surprised pain and momentarily dropped his bat and swung around to see why his accomplice had laid a blow on him.

Still using the momentum of Thug 1’s force I launched my self into the air using a wrestling technique called the "flying scissors" catching Thug 2 around the neck, who naturally lost balance and fell back wards onto the road where I continued to increase the life crushing pressure of this hold.

With a touch more confidence and authority I spoke:

"I am making a Citizens Arrest and you two are going to go down for a long time."

Thug 1 suddenly pulled out a pistol from the back of his jeans and aimed at me I immediately released Thug 2 (who was almost unconscious) and dodged around the back of my beloved Saab.

Using a technique I had learned as an undercover operative I began to whistle the tune from "Walker Texas Ranger" and waited for Thug 1 to take the bait.

Unfortunately Thug 1 appeared around the opposite side of the car to my expectation and thrust his gun into the back of my neck. Grabbing his hand I pulled his arm toward me and flipped the man over, he landed very heavily on his back, it was a cinch to then remove his gun.

A crowd had gathered by now and I decided to exercise compassion and not to follow through on my citizens arrest threat. I left Thug 1 and 2 where they fell, wrenched open the busted door of the Saab swept the glass shards off my seat and drove off.

I never found out why these rough necks trashed my car but I am sure there is a profound lesson in it somewhere.