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Psycho Sermons:
TheWeirdcrap.com offers an outlet for Bel Garion. Which is good because it keeps him off the streets.

Monday, October 31, 2005

 

Saint Garion Learns to Ride a Motorcycle

By Saint Garion Bel

The rise of gas prices, the reliability of my old taxi cab, and the sincere lack of any sort of desire in our government to pursue any sort of alternative, has led me to the conclusion that I need a vehicle that will burn less fuel. So while the HUMMER dealership was having a charity celebration getting the rich folks to consume extra fuel, I was out learning to ride a motorcycle.

I found this really old Highway Patrol guy named “Jerome” who offered to teach me how to ride safely for only $210.99. He provided the bike, a helmet, gas, and his expert instruction. He seemed strangely familiar, and behaved as if he knew me, but I couldn’t place him. He’d been in the sun too long and looked as if he had surpassed the need for a jacket.

I passed the written test with a 100% and only got 8 points against me on the driving evaluation. I can swerve, break, emergency break, shoot buzzards diving down from above and take a tight turn like a bastard, but for the life of me I cannot do a low speed u-turn in a yellow box. To fail the driving portion you have to accumulate 20 points. I went into the class having never ridden a motorcycle before, so they all thought I did pretty well. Needless to say I had a lot of fun.

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