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Maculate Conception!

Maculate Conception - 07/01/03
By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday

Dear Bel,

My wife and I like to travel. We usually just pile up on into the truck and off we go! We always find lots of real nice places to stay. This last time we stayed at one of those family-owned-just-renovated places. It had an air-conditioner, coffee maker, a micro-wave, and a color TV! But all this fancy stuff didn't help us when all the strangeness crept in that evening.

When we fist got there, there was this older homeless fella who liked to just walk around and around the place. He would take three steps, rest, another three steps, on and on. And as if that wasn't weird enough, the ceilings in the hallways were real low and everything smelled like your clothes smell when you leave them in the washer too long. Inside the room was nice but you could add the smell of old cigarettes to the mold. It kind of reminded us of being at Aunt Mary's place in New Jersey. We generally tried to make the best of it, we watched TV for a bit and drank a bottle of vodka.

On one of my trips to the bathroom, I realized that the walls were at a weird angle and I couldn't pee standing up without getting some on the reception desk down the hall. I dismissed this as part of being drunk and sat down to pee for the rest of the evening.

Than at one point the room got dark and I passed through one of the walls, where outside there were a bunch of... something terrible cause I don't remember. In a panic I turned around trying to escape back through the wall and hurt myself pretty bad. Ran smack into the wall.

I had to get the guy at the front desk to put his mop and bucket away and let me back in the room. My wife had passed out and wouldn't answer any of my screaming pleas for her to open the door. The things outside watched as his key didn't work, but he was able to remove a little screw and lift the door out of the way. That made me feel better. My wife wouldnt wake up, so I just lifted her up, threw her in the back of the truck and hauled tail outa there.

Bel what signs can I look for that will warn me away from places like this in the future?


Dear Mark,

Anytime you see a degenerate man just walking circles around a place following a specific pattern you can safely assume he is casting something. The unpleasant smell coupled with the space anomaly you experienced while urinating should have also tipped you off early. I am surprised you made it out ok, but God does protect fools and babies.


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