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Maculate Conception!

Maculate Conception - 06/17/03
By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday

One of our readers has expressed the desire to build a bridge between Islam and Christianity by looking for similarities in the two religions. She went to a meeting where this kind of talk was supposed to go on and was offended when a woman got up to express how her narrow view was the only correct view, and anyone who disagreed was politely invited to go to hell and that was that.

Tolerance and acceptance are rare in religious circles. God put it to me like this, BEL, PEOPLE TEND TO WANT TO BE PERFECT (LIKE ME) AND ARE INFACT TOLD TO PERSUE THIS GOAL. ONE OF THE MANY THINGS I DO IS JUDGE, SO IT FOLLOWS THAT PEOPLE TRYING TO BE LIKE ME WILL ALSO JUDGE. UNFORTUNATELY, THIS IS A SIN, AND THEY WILL ALL GO TO HELL FOR IT. FEEL FREE TO FIND THIS WOMAN AND POKE HER IN THE EYE FOR ME, OK?

Never being one to disagree with the almighty I sought this woman out. I found her on Sunday exiting a Lutheran Church. I pulled my cab up next to her; she was standing in the parking lot speaking with this incredibly tall blond woman who had both her baby and her gardener in tow. I threw her into the back of my cab yelling, "JUDGE NOT, OR YOU'LL GET POKED IN THE EYE!"

I locked her in back of my cab with me and poked her in the eye a couple of times. The police had to come and let us out. They accused me of a couple of things and I admitted to them all. I told them God made me do it. They didn't believe me but when the first one touched me his vision cleared up, since he couldn't see with his glasses, he got confused and stumbled back. The other panicked and made a grab at me, his acne cleared up instantly and his headache went away. I introduced myself as Saint Bel and told them to buy me lunch.


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