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Maculate Conception - 12/18/02
By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday

Dear Bel,

I am having quite a hard time with my wife. She went and got herself involved in witchcraft. Just the other day I caught her talking to some demon. They were yell'n back and forth and I couldn't really understand what it was all about. I talked to her a little bit later about it an' she explained that she was just try'n to find out what my momma used to put in my beer that made me sleep so good, so that was ok. I miss my momma. She's all I ever had, I never even seen a picture of dad. Then I come back and find them sitten in the kithen laughing real hard and drink'n my whiskey like old buddies. Now yell'n and stuff is ok, but sitten and drinken like old high school buddies is just plain wrong! It's got to stop!

Please help,


Gary was more than surprised when six butch lesbians, each bearing a fireman's ax, a hairy upper lip, and wearing elf costumes, burst into his home and proceeded to hack and smash everything in sight. He was also surprised to see me, Santa, enter behind them carrying a torch, which I threw to the ground. Mostly because he wasn't used to seeing people. He was surprised when I told him his father was a demon, and was having sex with his wife in the woodshed. He was surprised when I handed him an ax and told him he should go and check. I wasn't surprised to hear blood-curling screams coming from the woodshed shortly thereafter. Nor was I surprised when the demon emerged victorious but badly injured. The demon was surprised to see Santa standing menacingly over him with an ax. I told him to be happy, he was going home.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Email Bel!






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