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Maculate Conception!

Maculate Conception - 11/26/02
By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday

Dear Bel,

My future depends on my getting into the military. I have two master's degrees, one in Child Education and another in Criminology. So you see, I have no real career to look forward to when I graduate. The military is my salvation from eternal indentured servitude to those that have lent me the money to stay in college these 8 years. My recruiter tells me that I need to loose 80 pounds within the next year, no in the next 9 months, or I won't be able to join. I have a psycho friend that has been very successful in abducting me and forcing me to go to the gym.

However, he has recently obtained a girlfriend and no longer is dedicated to my fitness. Now all I do is live off my financial aid and eat pounds of pizza. How do I condition myself so that I will want to go to the gym? I dread going, but at the same time I know I must. I lack the conviction. Please help me Bel!

-Avery



Dear Avery,

Do you salivate every time someone knocks on your door? You do, don't you? The reason is that when you hear a knock you associate it with the pizza deliveryman. You are extremely open to physical conditioning. You don't like the gym because you associate the experience with pain. Light pain.

Listen. When you fail to go to the gym, cut yourself, with paper. The next time you feel the impulse to turn home instead of go to the gym, you'll remember the cut. You'll know that if you go home you'll have to cut yourself again. Eventually you'll actually be afraid of going home before you go to work out.

Hope this helps.

-Bel


Email Bel!
webmaster@theweirdcrap.com

 

 

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