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Maculate Conception!

Maculate
Conception - 06/25/02

By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday

Bob has been telling many horror stories lately about his new baby girl. Apparently, she never sleeps and grows horns at night or something. I like to remind Bob that I told him to never, ever have any children... but I guess his wife presented a more appealing argument.

As a favor to Bob, I thought I would make a nightly astral journey to calm his child, so that he and his wife could sleep at night. It has taken several attempts, as I could not seem to enter his home from the astral plane. At first, it was because I couldn't find the place. Nevertheless, I knew where it should have been, so I stopped to consider what I was doing wrong. Then I realized that it was the spiritual brothel like area I kept avoiding, jam packed with angry spirits. Then I just couldn't get in the door.

I talked to a couple of the spirits waiting patiently to get in, many of them were not focused enough to know where they were. Much less what they were doing. The ones coming out were looking frustrated, even angry, much more focused. Then one that was really pissed off stormed out knocking a bunch of other spirits over. It looked strong, so I called out to him. He looked like he wanted to come and knock me down too. I just grabbed him and folded him up like a napkin in the palm of my hand.

"Uh, sorry?" he said.

I asked, "What is going on, and why are all of you here?"

By talking, to "ghost boy", I found out that the child is an extremely talented, completely natural medium, a virtual ghost magnet. The spirits did not seem to know that the child wasn't developed enough to communicate with the rest of the living world just yet. The way it happened with this ghost, and probably all the others, was that the ghosts go into the child to get some valuable bit of information across to the living world only to get yelled at by some hysterical short guy. Apparently, a woman enters the room first. They try to communicate and then she, very calmly, stands and leaves the room. Then a screaming short man comes in yelling incomprehensible excited words and exposes a picture so horrific in nature that it boots them right out. "Probably a picture of Jerome." I explained. The spirit shivered.

Bob, if you are reading this, go ahead and fill the child's room with pictures of Jerome. That will keep the ghosts out, or rather keep them from staying. She will probably just sob a lot in quiet horror, but at least she won't keep you up at night.

-Good luck, Bel


COMING NEXT: OBI JON-BON-JOBI KANOBI


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