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Conception - 05/07/02

By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday

Dear Bel,

This morning I discovered several cockroaches in the middle of the kitchen floor. They had toothpicks stuck though their bodies and were suspended off the floor. After looking at them more closely, I saw that the toothpicks were barbed like tiny spears. What is more disturbing was that someone had bored little holes in the tile for the bottom quarter of the toothpicks to rest in. My floor is ruined! Help!

-Larry in WA

Dear Larry,

The whole world is at war against terror. Even in your kitchen. There were obviously some terrorist roaches under your fridge and the Gnomes came for them. I have a Gnome patrolling my house right now; he carries a little barbed toothpick. He says that he is on the lookout for terrorist activity, and seems friendly enough, so I let him come and go as he pleases.

I think it all started when I buried two of my fish in the front yard, because I found a little thank you note written in ancient Hebrew with tiny hands near thier graves. Every since then I have been seeing little Gnome campfires in the field that surrounds my house. All I know for sure Larry is that you and I are safe... from the little things at least.


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