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Maculate Conception!

Maculate
Conception - 03/26/02

By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday


Dear Bel,

I am 45 and recently my mother moved in with us. Life isn't fair Bel, we spend all of our extra money to buy food and diapers for this woman and she can't bring herself to lift a finger around the house. And another thing, she is a bus of a woman, when I look at her in the face I can't think of anything but last night's dinner and I have to vomit. HELP!

-Gary



Dear Gary,

God tells me that he would like you to honor your mother, but he also expects you to be the authority figure of your household. There is no good reason for a 45-year-old man to be a slave in his own home. Getting rid of her by placing her in a nursing home would be too cruel, but you clearly do need a break… I think I have a solution. Take a vacation! For our purposes, I suggest that you take the family to Sea World. Once your mom is in a wheelchair it should be fairly easy to push her into a shark tank with that raw steak you were so nice to give her to gnaw on seconds earlier... This way your mother can enjoy an honorable death and you, my friend, are clearly the man of the house.


-Bel


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