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This Weeks
Commentaries:
Maculate Conception
Chick Shit for Chic Chicks
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The Archives:
2001
  Chick Shit...
  Lunatic Ravings
  Ask Bob
  Maculate Conception

 

Maculate Conception - 11/27/01
By Bel Garion
Published each Tuesday


Dear Bel:
My brother lost his wife five years ago due to a horrible car accident. He would not consider dating until last September. The woman he is now seeing is a professional; she has a warm personality and can really entertain a crowd. The problem is her hair, it's red. Is it true that all women with red hair are evil? Every once and awhile, I think she is looking at me, like she wants something. She keeps inviting me over for dinner, usually when my brother is not home. When I turn her down she slams the phone down hard a few times and asks me again. I eventually just start to cry and she hangs up. What should I do?
- Terri

Dear Terri:
Women with red hair are evil... You know your situation reminds me of a 1966 film by Basil Dearden and Eliot Elisofon. It was a thoughtful and historically accurate examination of the intricate theological and socio-cultural issues raised by conflict. Get together with some of your friends and have a couple of drinks. Make sure to get your brother's wife really drunk, and just ask her what's up. Make sure to tape the whole thing. Let me know what happens.
- Bel


Dear Bel:
I got so drunk that I forgot what happened. I woke in my bathtub in a pool of my own vomit, so I assumed we had a pretty good time. Later, listening to the tape, I learned that my friends and I thought it would be really funny if this red haired bitch, who insisted on driving home drunk, died like my brother's last wife. She didn't die, but now I feel guilty about letting her drive drunk. The tape also revealed that she has no friends, and would like to be friends with me. Quite honestly, she is a little needy for me, and I'd rather not associate with her, but she is my brother's wife. What should I do?
- Terri

Dear Terri:
I don't see a problem here. Hang out with the woman only when you feel like getting very drunk. Just don't tape it next time to avoid feeling guilty the next day. Happy to help.
- Bel

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