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Maculate Conception
06/05/01


Maculate Conception
By Bel Garion

This Weeks
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Ask Bel a Question!

  I was quite perplexed when Jerome called me up, "Lo Steven dice che lei guarda uono si è vestito elegantemente come una donna."

So I went over to his house, apparently Jerome learned to speak in tongues and got stuck in Italian.

Jerome told me some of the scuttlebutt that Steven has been spreading. Since God was translating, I didn't have to wait very long for the English.

I have never met or seen Steven, so go figure; I hate voyeurism.

Now my reputation as a straight man is known far and wide. I dress poorly, cannot dance, and my hair tells me what it thinks of me in the morning. Many lesbians come to me for instruction on how to be manly.

It was on
05/17/01, that my manhood was threatened by Steven. I forgot about it really until Jerome reminded me.

I captured a cockroach and made some tea.

"Jerome what does a saint do when he is insulted?" I waited for a reply but none was forthcoming, "Why I turn the other cheek of course!"

This really disappointed Jerome. He thought I would go into a psychopathic rage. I stood and smiled at him, not really caring about his objections, I made him drink. "How could you endure such an indignity?" Jerome asked in English. Jerome looked at me in surprise; not only had his English returned but it had improved as well!

"See, the tea did work," I explained. Satisfied I continued, "The comments that Steven makes, should be accepted as gifts."

Jerome elaborated and used some words that I care not to repeat. In short he asked that I not accept them as gifts but instead accept them as insults, go over to see Steven and give him a stern talking to. In response I stuck my finger in his eye because he obviously wasn't listening and it was making me angry, "Jerome, to whom will they belong if I reject them?"

"That's the spirit!" Jerome proclaimed. I took my finger out of his eye.

I called up one of my lesbian acolytes. Told her/him what had happened. Jerome was more than happy to provide the needed directions, complete with a brief tactical layout of Steven's house.

I am told that they found Steven typing merrily away at his machine. He was on a lesbian porn sight and apparently was so happy to see them climbing in his window that he began to undress. Twenty-three man hating women who were mad at him already were even more so now, and they rained down upon him. With righteous glee they beat him unconscious.

He awoke in a church and was forced to listen to a four hour long sermon, during which two questions were answered, "Do all lesbians go to heaven because they are women?" (Yes) and "Using the provided specimen as an example, let us talk about the inherent flaws of the male sex, and go ahead, take out your frustrations."
 

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You got somethin' to say to Bel?
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