Lunatic Ravings

Death Angel---"Act III"

MoTW---"Ong-Bak: Thai Warrior"

So some guy somewhere decides to grab a piece of toast, etch a likeness
of the runaway bride on it and then place it on Ebay where people
actually started to bid on it eventually netting the guy a hefty profit.

When I first heard this I started to bang my head on the wall while
screaming, "Why oh why didn't I think of this? Why am I always letting a
quick buck pass me by? Why, why, why, WHY, WHY. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY??!!"

When I gained consciousness, I decided that I should join in the fun and
profit and came up with a few runaway bride sure-sellers of my own:

1) Runaway Bride Eyes---send me some money and I'll send you a couple of
black gumdrops. Great conversation piece and can also be used as a last
minute snack.

2) Runaway Bride Washing Machine Pad---For those women who feel jilted
by their fiance who won't give them the sex they need. With it's
ergonomic design and millions of tiny grooves, it's perfect for those
that don't want to leave a wet spot on their major appliance(s).
Dishwasher safe!

3) Runaway Bride Bobblehead---It has no real purpose but the real life
runaway bride has a bobblehead-like neck anyway so what the heck.

4) Runaway Bride Bus Tour---Disappear without telling you friends or
family where you're going! Go to Vegas and do things that'll always be
your deep, dark secret. When it's all out of your system, go to a
neighboring state, call the authorities and blame at least one minority
for your disappearance. Group tours welcome!

5) Runaway Bride Towel---Ever been in school or work and done something
embarrassing? Then this towels for you! Made from the finest material,
this towel provides your face with the necessary coverage so nobody will
know it's you! Easy to follow instructions included.

6) Runaway Bride Scissors---Can also be used the same way as the towel.
Made from the shiniest and bestest steel ever, these scissors can be
used to cut off your hair so you'll be virtually unrecognizable. Not
recommended for use on paper. Not recommended for anyone under the age
of 7 without proper adult supervision.

7) Runaway Bride Vibrator---You know what this is used for, but imagine
the designs! How about a Greyhound Bus? How about one with over 600
pleasure nubs, each one representing a person invited to the wedding?

And that's all I could come up with. Sure, some of them were pretty weak
but I'm competing against toast!

COMING NEXT: How about a vibrating crate then?