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Billy Idol---"Devil's Playground"
MoTW---"Toolbox Murders"
Yet again, there's still no decision regarding Crackwhore Village. Those who have been patient while waiting the
final outcome, just be patient a little while longer. For those that could care less or have lost patience, you
don't know what you'll be missing since I don't know either.
Then there's those that think there really is no Crackwhore Village and therefore there is no reason to read this
column any longer since I've been lying all this time. If that's the case, then prove me wrong. Prove there's no
Crackwhore Village and prove that it's not soon to become a major chain. Or don't.
At least there's another believer named Sheri C. who sent me this wonderful email:
"I actually used to know a real live crackwhore thanks to my ex-boyfriend turned crack addict. She had a daughter
named Miracle. I always wondered how she came up with that name. Anyways, I love demented humor.........Will tune
in each week for another update on crackwhore village..............."
Miracle is actually a nice name, especially if it's the name of a daughter of a crackwhore. I guess that it can
also be used as a boy's name as long as the parent(s) don't care if the kid comes home daily from school bruised
and bloody.
You see, crack can actually be made so it's non-addictive. However, since most crackheads are poor, they can't
afford the one ingredient to make it non-addictive so they find themselves on a continuous downward spiral with
no hope in sight.
To those that want to turn their lives around, the missing ingredient to their crack is Miracle Whip. The first
batch of crack (est. 1972) contained Whip and nobody got hooked. This continued for awhile until someone noticed
that they were out of the not-really-mayo stuff and decided to go ahead and cook up their crack anyway. Soon they
were addicted then their grandmother was addicted then their milkman was addicted and so on down the line.
Because of this addiction the new breed of crackhead was lazy and couldn't hold down a job so they had no money
and couldn't afford the Miracle Whip. This continues to this day but we can fix this problem by donating large
amounts of Miracle Whip to our local sewers, Wal-Marts, subway tunnels, alleyways, corner bars and, of course,
any Crackwhore Village.
For those crackheads who want to make a change, the Las Vegas Crackwhore Village teaches proper crack cooking and
mixing techniques every Friday from 4-5 pm, rain or shine. This gives you plenty of time to sleep in and is early
enough that you don't have to miss out on any nightlife.
Now you can see why Miracle is a nice name for a crackwhore's daughter while Whip would be a great name for the
son. Those that are really stupid and don't get it, try mixing scabs, termite turds and ammonia in your next batch
of crack and tell me what happens.
COMING NEXT:
Is it hate of the crates?
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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