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TNT---"My Religion"
MoTW---"Incident at Loch Ness"
I still have not made my final decision on who will run Crackwhore Village in Las Vegas since I've been kind of
busy doing stuff like unpacking and trying to find the best way around Detroit without getting robbed, carjacked,
killed, kidnapped, shot, stabbed, maced, kidnapped, catnapped, dognapped, raped, pillaged and plundered plus trying
to figure out what to place in the recycle bin and when to put it out by the curb. You know, the same things everyone
wonders about when they move to a new area.
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"...painted on the wall that goes something like "If it moves, kick
it. If it doesn't move kick it so it does." |
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When I figure all those things out, I'll make my decision unless I'm robbed, carjacked, killed, etc., etc. Then
it might take a little longer than expected.
Between all the abovementioned fun, I did take time out to go to a birthday party at a sports facility type building
thing. It's one of those places with indoor batting cages and soccer stuff plus, as a bonus, a saying painted on
the wall that goes something like "If it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move kick it so it does."
That's a great thing to teach 6 year old kids. They're the ones that grow up using steroids and when they find
that they can't make a career out of being an athlete, they turn into the father/mother who beats the crap out
of their child's coach because of reduced playing time or try to kill the umpire for a supposed bad call.
Okay. Maybe it doesn't cause them to use steroids. But I can guarantee that that saying caused me to do what I
did because I felt that I really needed to spread some sort of message.
See, there was a kid in the batting cages bragging to those in earshot about how great a hitter he was. I offered
to toss a few to him so that I could see how great he was. He agreed because he was that good and I'm me and I
pose no threat whatsover.
The first pitch I threw clocked in at about 61 MPH and he hit a wicked shot right back at me. The next pitch clocked
in at about 79 MPH but came to an abrupt halt when it smacked him in the head. Down he went and up went my arms
in victory.
His father didn't understand my explanation of a brushback pitch that went just a little bit inside, so I was ejected
from the facility with a suspension soon to be handed down from the front office.
Okay, maybe I didn't spread a message but he was the typical snot-nosed kid that's really annoying and since he
was wearing a helmet, there probably isn't much noticeable brain damage.
I've done this before but will do it again since I find it fun and space consuming. Following is a email I (along
with thousands of others) received recently. What makes me different from most others is that I replied and what
makes me different from the 99.99% who also replied is that I know it's fake. So, why did I do it anyway? I DON'T
KNOW!
--- <peterwallace03@fsa-online.co.uk> wrote:
From: <peterwallace03@fsa-online.co.uk>
Date: Sat, 19 Mar 2005 18:26:01 +0100
Subject: From: Mr. Wallace
Dear C .e .o/ President,
I am a registered Financial Security Agent of the FSA (Financial Services Authority) in the UK, attached to the
department of Treasury. Arising from the Continuous Admittance of New Counties/Member into the merging EU(European
Community is a recent directive from the Bank of England that all dormant account be redirected. I have been in
charge of a particular Dormant/Suspense account which no one from my very professional investigation using the
extensive data protection database can come through.
This account has been in a dormant state for a while and the department has been changing custodian of the finances
for the past three (3)years. What is needed at this stage is to find a very reliable, confidential and responsible
friend who would assist me in the claims of these bonds without it reverting to the state. In this case, i would
initiate a systematic transfer of the said bonds into a Dedicated Account opened in your name or company name,
whichever you find most appropriate. I would therefore need your response in order to grant you access to the detailed
facts and figures of the bond. I have been able to contact you based on information retrieved from the credit reference
database attached to my institution. I will be most willing to go into partnership with you to see this project
completed in earnest.
I assure you that there would be no issues to your name or person. All you would be required to do is to open
an offshore account for this purpose. I hope you understand why I cannot disclose exclusive data to you at this
stage. Do kindly respond to me via my email address below or my fax number. Upon this, I would be able to send
you more details regarding this project. If I do not hear from you in the next few days, I would assume you are
not interested but if you are, do also provide a phone/fax numbers you could be reached on. I look forward to an
excellent business relationship with you.
Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Peter Wallace.
Financial Service Authority (FSA).
Email: mrpeterwallace03@yahoo.co.uk
Fax: 44-8452801535
And here's my response:
My New Year's resolution was to help as many folks as possible, so I want to help you!
I would like to have this listed under my company called Assitch. Just let me know what I would need to do further
in order to help you out.
This is really great since you're the first person I helped out so far this year! By the rate I'm going I'll help
out a total of 4 people this year, but you'll be my favorite since you're the first!!
COMING NEXT: Gotta
get to them there crates.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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