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Exodus---"Tempo of the Damned"
I decided to take last week off and not write anything because I felt the need........the need to not write anything
because of extreme laziness.
I told the webmaster that I was working on something BIG and needed a week off and he believed me. I don't know
if it was my charm or believability, but now he'll know that I lied and I'll just have to figure out something
new the next time I feel the need to do nothing.
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"...he's a little person of a foreign nationality and has to be taken off
the street while the President was in town..." |
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It wasn't like I didn't do anything at all. I did go through all the email from those that want to take over Crackwhore
Village and have narrowed it down to 3; an ex-crackwhore, a major Hollywood star and someone else who might surprise
some and disgust others (Nope, it's not Bob for those wondering. I wouldn't even trust him with a Lego, much less
a fully functional village).
And, speaking of Bob, don't believe a word he says about why his column was late last week. I'm sure he was watching
a movie, but it wasn't at home as he claims. Believe me when I tell you that he was in complete lockdown in a state
run facility because the feds didn't want him running loose while President Bush was in Omaha.
It's not because Bob is violent. It's because he's a little person of a foreign nationality and he needed to be
taken off the street while the President was in town so that the streets "would be free and clear of the riffraff
that have no defined purpose other than wandering hopelessly down our one paved road."
By taking Bob off the street, it catapulted Omaha into the top 10,000 desirable places to live in the world. When
he was released late Friday night, Omaha was no longer as desirable a place to live as it was that evening.
Knowing that he lied about his column I decided to delve a little deeper and see if I could find another time when
he lied, so off to Home Depot I went.
The greatest amount of people seemed to be milling around the paint section so I stationed myself there and waited
to see if Bob's racism claims were true. I happened to be there at a perfect time since there was a perfect mix
of people:
- A Hispanic couple
- An African American male
- A Native American male
- A pregnant Hawaiian lady
- An old white guy
- A white me
- A gay married male couple
Take a guess who was serviced first.
If you chose the Hispanic couple, you're right!
The Home Depot employee was very friendly and helpful while providing them service. This goes completely against
what Bob claimed happened to him. However, he'll probably state that the Hispanic couple was serviced first since
the employee was warned by management that they would be the first to steal something if not promptly helped.
Again Bob would be wrong since it was the old white guy who stole something and, while he was being carted off
by store security, I was the next to steal since everyones attention was diverted. I don't know why I stole a paint
brush, but I felt the urge to do so and should forever live in guilt but won't since it was done in the name of
research and maybe a sudden attack of kleptomania.
COMING NEXT:
How many years for those milk crates?
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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