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Jon Oliva's Pain---"'Tage Mahal"
Below is an email I received over a month ago which I have decided to finally share with the world. At first I
was unsure if this is a topic that would interest anyone but figured that there might be a few folks suffering
from the same affliction and they might come here for some advice and help.
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"...I honestly do not remember ever making fun of someone who was bleeding
from their southern regions but if I did..." |
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Date: Mon, Dec 13, 2004, 10:09am
From: Ashley S.
Subj: !!HEY!!
To: snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
hey your an asshole for the comment you made to that one person who actually asked you a serious question he said
he was bleeding when he used the bathroom during #2 you don't fucking eat your shit dumb ass and i really think
you should apologize to him!!!!! and i do not mean to be a bitch but i have the same problem i just started i don't
do it a lot it is just that i am really scared and i don't want to tell anyone because not only am i embarrassed
i am scared
I honestly do not remember ever making fun of someone who was bleeding from their southern regions but if I did,
I sincerely and humbly apologize.
If you're bleeding from "down there", it's probably due to eating too many cherry Jolly Ranchers or glass.
I would recommend that you stop eating those delicacies if the bleeding is a major cause of concern.
I can understand your embarrassment Ashley Smith. That's why I made sure to use only the first initial of your
last name when I copied and pasted the above email. I know it's something you don't want your friends and loved
ones to know and worry about. I respect your privacy ASHLEY SMITH and hope that your problem goes away and, if
it does start happening again, it's only sporadic so that it doesn't ruin your day. To show I care about Ashley
Smith's predicament, I have come up with a poem:
Ashley Smith is bleeding from down there
And wanted to make sure I was aware
I hope her movements get better
So she can send me a happy letter
And we'll all smile as we walk around town
Since her poop is coming out nice and brown
According to Bob, whitey will no longer exist within 100 years or so. Bob claims that evolution will make the white
folk extinct.
I decided to do some research on this and have found that paleface have been around since man walked upright. This
can be proven by newsreels I have studied, namely those titled "Caveman", "Iceman", "Clan
of the Cave Bear" and "Encino Man".
In other words, Bob is completely deranged and probably quite dangerous.
Still no predictions for '05.
If you feel that you are ready and capable to take over Crackwhore Village in Nevada, send me an email explaining
why you feel that you're the right person for the job in 10 words or less.
I'll pick my successor when I feel the time is right.
COMING NEXT:
It'll come in a dream
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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