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U2---"How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb"
I found Jerome nestled comfortable at the bottom of the dumspter covered in the latest colour comics and hundreds
of fish heads. Shaking the dumspter didn't wake him up so I decided to urinate on his exposed head which, in hindsight,
was a major mistake since the urine froze as soon as it landedon his open-mouthed face.
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"I guess the urine and the hot coffee was a solid wake up call since he
seemed to be awake, even though his eyes, nose, mouth, ears, hair, etc. were..." |
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Thinking that this was probably another illegal activity considering that he was the Great Judge, I ran into the
hotel and grabbed a pot of hot coffee and dumped that on Jerome's face. In hindsight, this was again another mistake
since the coffee also froze to his face.
I jumped into the dumpster and picked up Jerome. I guess the urine and then the hot coffee was a solid wake up
call since he seemed to be awake, even though his eyes, nose, mouth, ears, hair, etc. were all frozen solid,
yet the remainder of his body seemed to be functioning as normal as can be.
We exited the dumpster and headed to the courthouse. All one of the local news channels was there along with a
reporter for "The National Enquirer", all jostling for position on the courthouse steps. I pushed my
way through them and eventually was able to enter the courthouse with Jerome in tow.
When we entered the courtroom, I led Jerome to his judge chair and the trial began. The officer who arrested Bob
was the first witness called and he really didn't help Bob's cause because he wasn't supposed to I guess. The
next witness was Bob.
"So," said the prosecuting attorney who just happened to be Vicky, "you killed a penguin with a
fart?"
"That is correct," said Bob, wincing in pain from the still embedded penguin beak.
"And how does that make you feel?"
"A heck of a lot gassy!"
The courtroom erupted in laughter. Jerome montioned with his hand for everyone to quiet down, which they did since
he was the Great Judge. Or, maybe what Bob said really wasn't that funny?
Surprisingly, that was all that Vicky needed from Bob so I shot her with my Red Rider BB gun.
Everyone in the courtroom started screaming, except for Jerome who couldn't but could flail his arms like a spastic.
During the panic, I grabbed Bob from the witness stand and we ran from the courthouse and boarded the first plane
back to the states.
The penguin beak was never removed from Bob's ass because it would have been to difficult. Instead, the doctors
gave Bob a new ass.
Vicky had her arm amputated because the BB lodged under the skin and caused an infection. Because of this, I won
the war.
Jerome is still in Greenland and is still the Great Judge. He still hasn't regained any facial functions and has
to be fed through a tube.
As for me? Right now I'm drunk so that's why none of this makes sense and seems to be wrapped up in quite the hasty
manner.
COMING NEXT:
Power of the zenith
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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