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Ayreon---"The Human Equation"
The angry wayward penguin waddled at top speed and jammed it's beak and head into Bob's ass. As I stood in shocked,
laughter-filled silence, Bob screamed, "My God that HURTS!"
Since he was still extremely gassy, Bob had no choice but to rip a tremendous, yet muffled, fart. The penguin's
head exploded and the rest of the body waddled around aimlessly before finally toppling over on the clean Greenland
street.
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"Who did this?" the officer asked in perfect English...."Probably
the guy with the penguin beak stuck up his ass," I replied. |
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"Did you see that?" Bob yelled as he hopped around. "I blew it's head completely off it's body with
my ass! That's talent!"
Suddenly, Bob stopped hopping around and he bent over. "Holy shit! I think it's beak is still stuck in my
ass! Look for the beak!"
As he started to pull down his pants, a Greenlandian police officer ran around the corner and stopped immediately
when he spotted the decapitated penguin.
"Who did this?" the officer asked in perfect English. Good thing since I failed Greenland speak in elementary
school, a fact which I have not divulged to anyone until now since it broke the hearts of all 3 of my parents.
"Probably the guy with the penguin beak stuck up his ass," I replied.
At this point, Bob had managed to pull his pants and Underoos down which gave the officer the opportunity to inspect
Bob's ass. After much poking and prodding, the officer agreed that Bob was the culprit since there was indeed a
penguin beak stuck in Bob's ass.
Without giving Bob the chance to pull up his pants, the officer whacked Bob with a nightstick and then put on handcuffs
and leg shackles. As Bob was dragged out of the alley by his feet, I heard him say, "I think the beak turned
sideways."
Since I haven't taken the time to study the laws of Greenland, I did not know that Bob had committed a very heinous
crime, according to Section 7, Addendum A(3) of Greenland law:
"Let it be known that those that kill a penguin by any bodily function will be placed in jail until due time
when the Great Judge flies in on his chariot and passes sentence, or when the fine of 5 US dollars is paid."
Since I had already converted my US currency into melted ice (the Greenland currency), I felt that Bob should stay
in jail for a bit so that he would learn a lesson, kind of like when Beaver used the ten dollars from Uncle Bill
to buy a gas powered race car when Ward had told him that the best thing to do was to put it in the bank, but Beav
didn't listen and he was soon caught up in a web of lies but eventually learned a valuable lesson about something.
As Bob was stuck in jail with his anus leaking blood, I decided to finish our business with Jerome. Of course it
wasn't easy since Jerome had become some sort of cult hero in Greenland because he lived in a trash dumpster outside
a hotel which somehow caused the natives to elect him to the post of Great Judge.
Then it started to get really weird.
COMING NEXT:
Send and add
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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