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Asia---"Silent Nation"
Of course I ended up going to Greenland with Bob. I actually didn't fly with Bob since we decided to save some
money and pack him in a crate since he's so tiny. Actually, I really did fly with him but didn't have to sit near
him since he was in the cargo hold while I was sitting comfortably in coach. Get it?
As soon as we landed, I decided to do a little bit of sightseeing. I figured that Bob had held out for 8 hours
and could hold out for a few more hours or even a few more days.
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"A snowdrift? Better knock it down or else Gwindiddie, the snow queen, will
jump from the drift and attack the little people..." |
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I picked up one of those tourist magazines and was off to see all the things that Greenland is famous for. Ten
minutes later I was back at the airport unpacking the crate which was a good thing since Bob was extremely gassy
during the whole flight and looked a little bit under the weather probably since I kind of forgot to give him some
air holes.
After he recuperated we set off to find Jerome. I figured this would be the most arduous task I had ever undertaken
in my life, and I was right.
I had forgotten how much of a nuisance Bob actually is. Since he is vertically challenged, he expects those not
challenged to treat him as if he were handicapped. A little slush on the street? Bob has to be carried since he's
afraid that he might drown in the 2 inches of water. A snowdrift? Better knock it down or else Gwindiddie, the
snow queen, will jump from the drift and attack the little people (according to Bob. Drugs, remember?)
So, after a hour or so of his whining, we finally reached the hotel. And sure as shit, there was Jerome sleeping
in the dumpster.
After a few zaps from the industrial strength cattle prod, Jerome was awakened. At first he looked scared, but
then he looked down at Bob's kind eyes and he was frightened no more.
Then Bob started kicking the shit out of Jerome. Literally. There was shit squirting out of Jerome's rear end every
time Bob kicked him in the shins. How shins and the butt are hooked together I will never know, but I saw it happen
so it must be one of those medical miracle things.
When Bob was done, I tried to help Jerome up but he was covered in too much shit so I didn't. I did recommend that
he might want to go into the hotel and get cleaned up because I am so kind and thoughtful.
Bob, on the other hand, wasn't down. He decided that kicking the shit out of Jerome wasn't enough, so he started
beating the piss out of him. Literally. Every time Bob beat on Jerome, piss would come shooting out of his groin
area.
When Bob was done, I tried to help Jerome up but he was covered in too much piss and shit so I didn't. I again
recommended that he might want to go into the hotel to get cleaned up because I am really kind and helpful.
As Jerome walked away, Bob was attacked by an angry wayward penguin and that's when the fun started.
COMING NEXT: The
revealing zenith
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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