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Megadeth---"The System Has Failed"
I've received many, many email from many, many different people asking about my trip painstakingly detailed in
this column the last several weeks. Most ask if it really happened to which I can only say "Well, duh."
Then there's those that were shocked for all the wrong reasons, like Sharon P. from Whereaboutsunknown who wrote:
"It seems that you have a problem with women. First you claim you oversee a village full of crackwhores and
then you went on a trip to Central America and had innocent women dying horrible deaths. What is your problem?
More to the point, what is your problem with women? Some people might find you humorous, but I just find you sick
and depraved."
Obviously Sharon didn't read my travelogue too closely. For one thing, the first "woman" that was killed
was actually a man posing as a woman. I don't have a problem with me doing this, but it has to be the right setting
and a jungle full of cannibals and killer monkeys is the wrong place.
For another thingy, I did not kill these women. They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I guess I could have glossed over their actual deaths and made them cutesy deaths and then brought them back at
the end so we could all dance and sing a silly song with those fucking Ewoks.
I didn't feel the need to gloss over anything and went straight to the hard-hitting facts. Granted, the creature
on the plane's wing might seem a bit far-fetched, but it did happen that way. Sometimes mysterious things happen
and it's not my duty to try to explain these mysterious things. I only report 'em.
If you want total fiction, go ahead and read "The Frogman"
posted somewhere on this site. That "story" seems as if it was written by a couple of talentless drunk
people who thought it would be cool to trade of writing each paragraph because that would be cool. If you want
more, read anything by Jon Stephenson, like "Kenny
the Koala 2: Electric Boogaloo" which doesn't make a lick
of sense, but would be something that Sharon would appreciate since it's totally made up and no humans are harmed.
You might as well read all the shit submitted by this Jon Stephenson person. It all sucks. The only story that was somewhat interesting was "The
Adventures of Cascadilla and Perkchip" but for some reason
it doesn't seem like it was or ever will be completed. Cascadilla is the strong female type that Sharon is looking
for (not in that way) plus it's obviously a total work of fiction which is right up her alley (again, not in that
way).
I am extending an invitation to Sharon requesting that she visit my Crackwhore Village. Maybe she would find it
interesting and decide to change careers. She can also tag along for my next trip and see firsthand what happens
when I somehow get caught up in some strange happenings with the understanding that when she's horribly maimed
or (gasp) killed, it wouldn't be my fault.
It's your move Sharon.
Make me proud.
COMING NEXT:
The prevention of remedies.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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