|
Archives
Contact
Advertisements
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Die Symphony---"The Everlasting Shame"
(Check out www.diesymphony.com for tour dates and artist info)
Finally, the last installment!!!!(?)
"............fucked!"
As #3 continued screaming and I nibbled on a Slim Jim, the cannibals and the monkeys streamed from the jungle surrounding
the convenience store. Normally I wouldn't have felt too much emotion but they all looked really pissed off so
I had to come up with a plan and fast.
I figured that the international language of dance would give us a few minutes of reprieve so I started doing the
Charleston which had the desired effect. The cannibals and monkeys stopped their advance and stared at me in wide
eyed wonder.
#3 kind of caught on to what I was doing and started The Wave which had the opposite effect of my Charleston since
it riled up the cannibals and monkeys because they were smart enough to know that The Wave cannot be performed
properly by one person.
After a solid round of booing from the monkeys and being hit by shit flung by the cannibals, #3 stopped The Wave.
As I continued the Charleston, I yelled at her to dance and to dance like she had never danced before.
Of course #3 used to be a naked dancer at a gentleman's club because this is the type of world I live in and she
used her past experience to great effect. When she started sliding up and down a nearby sturdy sapling, the monkeys
and cannibals became calm again, enough for me to stop my dancing in order to watch the show.
Soon we were all seated as #3 put on quite a show. I convinced a cannibal to put 5 dollars in her g-string which
he finally did after much pushing. He came back with the biggest grin I have ever seen on a cannibal and said,
"Ubu atawa behicku molu awaret tobu klamit BECKU BECKU!" which I loosely translated as "I think
she really likes me!"
After a while #3 had quite a bit of money and a pile of assorted rotten body parts from the cannibals along with
twigs and leaves from the monkeys. She eventually started accepting orders for lap dances and it dawned on me at
that point that all the problems in the world could be solved by simply having a hot chick dance erotically.
Someone found some liquor and the crowd started really getting into the show when the owner of the convenience
store came out and demanded that #3 stop dancing since it was breaking the zoning laws and liquor could not be
served on a Sunday.
Of course this riled up the monkeys and cannibals and they chased the owner into the convenience store and proceeded
to rape, rob, pillage and burn everything in sight. #3 was relieved since this gave her a chance to rest, but I
saw this as a perfect time to escape.
I grabbed #3 by her hair caveman style and dragged her away from the dance stage/convenience store parking lot
and escaped back into the jungle. After dragging her over a particularly jagged rock bed, #3 told me she felt rested
enough to stand but I was enjoying playing caveman and continued to drag her by her hair until we reached the local
international airport.
Once there we purchased tickets and soon found ourselves on a flight back home. After talking to #3 for a bit I
found that she was fairly intelligent, but not intelligent enough to remember her name. I offered her a position
in my Crackwhore Village which she declined since she felt that she had a new lease on life and was going to dedicate
her life to selling Avon to jungle tribes.
I thought this was pretty stupid so when she asked me directions to the bathroom, I pointed to the plane's exit
door and soon found myself watching her holding onto the left wing of plane with all of her might. She might have
made it home this way if the gremlin didn't suddenly appear and, after giving me a knowing wink and wave of the
finger, grab her and disappear into the clouds.
THE END (?)
COMING NEXT---World
of the real
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
|
|