|
Archives
Contact
Advertisements
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Secret Machines---"Now Here is Nowhere"
We had to contact Encyclopedia Brown in order to uncover the Mystery of the Missing Column.
For some reason, the column for 7/5 was lost somewhere and couldn't be found so the 7/12 column in actually the
7/5 column and there is really no true 7/12 column even with the "help" of Mr. Brown.
I should have realized that he would be of no help since I can remember one of his mysteries that really wasn't
a mystery the more I thought about it. The worst thing is that the so-called mystery has affected me in such a
way that it's the only Encyclopedia Brown story I can remember.
It had something to do with a stolen object found in a kid's pants pocket. Of course the kid was blamed for stealing
the object even though he was adamant that he did not steal it. E.B. checked into it and discovered that there
was no way that the kid could have stolen the object since it was placed in a pants pocket that just happened to
be on the same side as the kid's broken arm and it was impossible for the guilty party to use his hand on the opposite
arm to place the stolen object in the pocket because it was damned near impossible to do so.
After reading this story I practiced putting keys in my right front pocket with my left hand and discovered that
it WASN'T impossible and E.B. was full of shit. I still practice to this day just to make sure it's still possible,
and it is.
Maybe the story was written when children's arms were really stubby due to that evolution thing and they really
weren't able to reach that opposite pocket. If that was the case, then Encyclopedia was correct and I apologise
for doubting his sleuthing skills.
Of course he didn't try to help with the missing column because he's fictional and I probably brought up his name
as a cry for help. The story mentioned above does exist so maybe I brought it up to get the monkey off my back
and I will no longer need to walk around constantly trying to shove shit into my right pants pocket with my left
hand.
Well, it's no big deal anymore since the column was found and it was posted and everything is right in most of
the world. In fact, it's so right I have decided to post some info on another legit company that's offering a service
you might want.
As stated in the last column, if you do call for info about the offer listed below, please try to be as courteous
as possible and please DO NOT turn the phone # below into a collect call (I used the phrase "toll-free"
instead of the word "collect" in lasts weeks column regarding another phone # and am sorry if this caused
any inconvenience).
E-mail message
From: Glenda Samuel
How are you today,
Do you have the knowledge and the experience but lack the qualifications?
Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas available in the field of your choice - Your Graduation is
a phone call away.
Phone me at this number, 1-206-202-3369
Hopefully Glenda can help some of you out there!
Remember, if there's a legitimate company that you receive daily emails from and would like me to post it in a
future column, just send me a email with all pertinent information and I'll see what I can do.
COMING NEXT:
The travelling hunter
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
|
|