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The Wildhearts---"The Wildhearts Must Be Destroyed!"
I should have done something about this sooner, but it's always better later than never.
Why don't you love us anymore?
Why don't you love ME anymore?
My sister and I have entertained you for many years but now it looks like you don't love us or ME anymore! Why?
Is it because we're multi-millionaires? Are we really not that interesting or entertaining any longer? We're we
really never interesting or entertaining? What about ME? Was I never interesting or entertaining?
I thought a lot of you loved our videos especially since they all starred ME. A lot of you grew up with ME and
with us, but now most of you have seemingly deserted us and it's driving ME to do something drastic so that all
of you can love ME again.
ME and my sister were in a movie that cost about 40 million dollars to make yet it only grossed less than 15 million
dollars! Do you know how many people actually saw the movie that starred ME? I could do the math for you but I'm
a little bit hungry right now and would rather eat.
Okay, I'm back. That bean sprout sure was good!
I want all of you to still love us, especially ME. I don't know what I need to do, but I'm sure going to make it
something drastic!
Let's see.
How can I make all of you care about ME again? I could go into porn but I'm afraid that someone might split ME
in two like a log. Wait! What was that I just wrote? I'm in such a weakened state that I think I might need to
have a quarter of a half of another bean sprout so that I can have some energy.
Okay, I'm back again. I sure feel full.
Forget the porn since a lot of people might frown upon that choice. Maybe the best thing for ME to do is to come
down with some sort of disease. What happened to that lady who sang those songs in the 70's with her brother? Whatever
happened to her is something I'm sure that I could have happen to ME!
You all are sure going to feel bad when I topple over from a slight breeze. That would make you feel really bad
about not seeing our movie starring ME.
Fine! I'm going to a hospital now so they can pump some stuff into ME. Hope that makes you feel bad, but make sure
you pick up our newest DVD starring ME that will begin filming soon whenever I can find the strength to get out
of this chair and open the door.
Well, that was pretty sad, wasn't it? The worse thing is that I do not have any telephone numbers or email addresses
of more legitimate companies. Your search for cheap drugs/mortgage rates/college diplomas will just have to wait
another week.
COMING NEXT: A
moon of gold
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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