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Heart---"Jupiters Darling"
The webmaster of this here site sent me an interesting email full of statistics and bunches of technical mumbo-jumbo
which I pretended to understand so it would look like I was "in" but the one thing I did understand was
how many people actually visit this here site on a daily basis.
(Note that I did use the phrase "this here site" twice in the above paragraph. Also note that I noted
that I did use the phrase twice which you should note that I did realize that I did use twice which means I must
have done it on purpose.)
(Note again how many times I used the word "note" in the above paragraph which was referring to the paragraph
above the above paragraph.)
What this shows me is that there are a few people that actually visit us here for some unknown reason. Some of
you might not know that the only reason this site was started was because of some sort Community Service shit and
many ounces of alcohol.
Actually, I think this site was started as a joke by a couple of guys who had drank too many ounces of alcohol.
I had nothing to do with the design or set-up of this site. All credit goes to Bob who I have despised more and
more each and every year. That's one of the main reasons I left Nebraska since he's got problems and has a tendency
to drag others into his ideas of fun like, say, bestiality.
I can admit that he's worked his ass off to make this site happen. Granted, he has really stupid views about the
world and people, but it's not like you have to agree with anything he says. You only have to humor him and eventually
he'll go away, or so you hope.
(Note that he's still writing for this site, so my above theory is a little bit flawed.)
Obviously there's something on this site that attracts people but I can't figure out what it is. It's definitely
not Bob's column since he's Bob and it can't be this one since I still put no thought into anything I write. Maybe
it's the vivid colors or the font style, but I could be wrong.
Funny thing is that Bob always gets hate email, while I get nice email about Barbara's web cam and how she's just
dying to meet me or how the mortgage rates have reached an all time low. Maybe the reason for this is that I keep
my political beliefs to myself while Bob believes he can take over the world tomorrow and make it a better place.
Even though there's nothing wrong with that, we all know that I am the perfect candidate for that write-in vote
because I can take over the world tomorrow and make it a better place.
You know, I think it's time to stop writing about Bob and write about something that's much more important. Something
like.............teenage breast enhancement surgery?
Sure!
Recent studies have shown that there has been a rise in female high school graduates who want larger breasts as
a graduation present instead of something like a new car.
I say that's great! Female teenagers cannot drive well so that helps our roadways become much safer. (This can
be backed up by studies from some of our leading universities for those that find that hard to believe.) Put a
female teenager in a Dodge Neon and that little car that says "Hi" becomes a metallic death machine.
I say let them get the boob jobs since that will give 'em that self confidence they're so sorely lacking which
will make them more attractive to the boys and before you know it, they'll have moved out of the house into a one
room apartment with just enough money to feed themselves and the 3 babies that suddenly appear within 6 months.
If that's not what you want to happen to your little princess, they can have a lucrative career in the porn business
for a few years. As long as they learn how to manage their money and not get too addicted to drugs, then you'll
have the warm fuzzies everytime you think about that wonderful graduation present.
(Note that the only time I actually put any thought into this column was sometime during the second paragraph.)
COMING NEXT:
An idea of one.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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