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Lunatic Ravings:
Originally called, "I'm Pissed!" We changed the name for syndication. We never got syndicated, but kept the new name - we don't know why.

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Lunatic Ravings - 06/13/04
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday

Therion---"Lemuria"

I'm feeling a little sickened right now because of Bob's recent claim of having my sperm attaching itself to his ass.

What he's trying to insinuate is something I find very disgusting and I'm sure a lot of other people also feel the same. To claim that my sperm found it's way either into his ass on on his ass can only mean that I am supposedly shooting airborne sperm that doesn't know the difference between females and males which means that my supposedly stupid sperm thinks that a human male can become as pregnant as a female human.

Well, the only thing I can do is laugh at Bob's backwards thinking. Doesn't he realize that I possess sperm that is smarter than the average humanoid? Doesn't he know that each of my little flying sperms have the brainpower of Einstein X 9,000,000,0000+? Obviously not since he's making such a stupid assumption.

Whatever landed in or on his ass, I can guarantee that it wasn't my sperm. It could have been A sperm but not THE sperm, if you know what I mean. I'm not trying to say that because Bob had sperm in/on his ass it makes him a bad person. I'm just saying that it wasn't my super smart sperm and I commend Bob for admitting that there was sperm somewhere on his backside. However it further points out my belief that he is probably the dumbest human in the history of dumb humans.

The worst thing is that my days of impregnating the world might come to slowdown since I was caught by the Neighborhood Homenaziowner Association trying to carry out my mission late last week.

It seems that there's a section in the Association bylaws that forbid the "attempt to impregnate the female human population from the backyard with any super-intelligent flying alien sperm". Imagine my embarrassment when I was trying to cheer on one of my straggling sperms and an Association Officer caught me half naked in the backyard.

I was informed that I would probably be fined a very large amount of money and would probably have to perform some sort of community service to correct my errant ways. I didn't take to kindly to these harsh words and instructed the straggling sperm to attack the Officer.

And boy, did the sperm ever attack the officer. It was so gruesome that I don't want to mention the messy details here, but I did have to use a bucket and toothpicks to clean up the chunks.

After disposing of the chunks and bits in the trash compactor, I waited for the backup to arrive in order to question me. Surprisingly, nothing has happened yet but I am occasionally awakened at night to the sound of marching jackboots, but when I go outside there is nothing but the slight scent of Hai Karate.

Still I wait..........

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