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Racer X---"Superheroes"
Time to get back to the hard-hitting news I suppose since I've got to go through the motions so it looks like I
care.
Today we will discuss Audrey Seiler, the young lass from Madison, WI who faked her own abduction cause she wanted
attention from the world. I don't know why she didn't get on some reality show like every other person starving
for attention does, but that's neither here nor there nor is it me saying potato and you saying potato aw fuck
it, let's call the whole thing off.
I remember the days when suicide was the way of getting attention. Guess that doesn't accomplish anything in the
21st century so now they way to go is shooting up a school or abducting yourself. I've said it time and time again
and I'll say it yet again: The youth of yesterday had balls.
I takes a serious set of nads to hang yourself from a tree in the middle of the woods, yet it doesn't take any
testes at all to take off for a few days and come back whining that you've been abducted by some generic looking
guy. It's just a cop out and these cop outs need to stop right about..........now.
I recommend to all those who prayed for Audrey's safety to make a stand. She wanted attention but I don't think
she's been given enough. I say that if you wasted your valuable time praying for her that you receive adequate
compensation for your lost time.
I guess that average lost time per person would be about 10 minutes. We can only charge minimum wage for this lost
time so that would average out to be about .80 per person. I'm sure at least 3 million people wasted 10 minutes
of their lives praying for the safety of Audrey, so she owes them all the total of $2,4000,000.00.
Now we've got to add in the total cost of everyone who had to watch the newscasters fake their sadness over the
abduction, and that would be roughly an additional $5,600,000.00 that Audrey owes us.
That's 9 million dollars that Audrey owes! That'll keep her in the spotlight for awhile, which may or may not be
her wish any longer, but now it's about us and not about her.
What's even funnier is that the Madison cops must have been none to please either since they UFO'd her, according
to a headline in USA Today:
"Police probe student over fake abduction"
Ouch. Having aliens doing it to you is one thing, but having a bunch of pissed off human cops doing it is not as
fun. At least I don't think it is.
COMING NEXT:
Particle board in my ear
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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