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Lunatic Ravings - 04/12/04
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday |
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The Flower Kings---"Stardust We Are"
It's kind of sickening and scary that the Mormons care more about their religion than the normal people do. For
some reason, I didn't receive one hate mail after last weeks column. Instead I received other ideas from people
that were so disgusting that I won't even take the time to share them with the world.
Hell, even my employees at Crackwhore Village didn't seem to take offense at what I had written. That might be
because they can't read because they're crackwhores, but some of them have tried Hooked on Phonics which I think
would give them the ability to read and understand at least a couple of the words.
Instead, what I have is a bunch of mindless whore drones meandering around and going about their business like
nothing has happened. That makes me wonder if maybe I should be looking at releasing my current crackwhores and
looking for something new.
Maybe I have been expecting too much from the current crop. I guess maybe I thought that supplying them with tents
and porridge was enough for them to develop a brain, but it obviously is not what's happening.
I did find a midget crackwhore and put her right into the mix of things, but there really isn't a market for midgets
at this time. Maybe it has something to do with the current gas prices since the people need more bang for their
buck and a midget crackwhore isn't what the doctor ordered, if you know what I mean.
But what is out there that could take the place of normal crackwhores? It has to be someone who thinks that living
in a tent is high class and it will also take someone who thinks that porridge is fine dining ala Taco Bell.
What it's going to come down to is me trying to round up whores with putty brains. I will not accept any whores
with drug problems any longer. What I need is whores that actually have brains but their brains would be really
soft and mushy so that they wouldn't be able to develop their own thoughts. They would be able to read since those
with MBS (Mushy Brain Syndrome) appear and act normal, but can be programmed to do what you want with a simple
jab from a cattle prod.
So big happenings are on the horizon and it can be blamed on "The Passion of the Christ". Never did I
expect a movie to have such an impact on my life (like "American Gigolo" did) much less a movie that
I have never seen. That's life I suppose.
COMING NEXT:
Hey diddle diddle, the cat peed on me.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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