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Lunatic Ravings - 03/15/04
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday |
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Tesla---"Into the Now"
For some time now, companies in the USA have been outsourcing to companies overseas because of cheaper labor which
gives the higher ups the chance to pad their pockets with a fat yearly bonus while they tell all those below them
that they have to live with their $5.50 an hour pay without any bonus even though they're the people that make
the company profitable.
Now, outsourcing isn't the only thing that's going to decimate the rapidly shrinking workforce because many of
those that have seen "The Passion of the Christ" have suddenly re-discovered their long lost faith and
feel compelled to finally do something with their lives, like joining a nunnery.
I saw the movie and have decided that this is the last column I will write. The movie had such a profound impact
on me that I am going to do what I always wanted to do-----I am going to be the best damn zombie killer EVER.
Oh, wait. That's the wrong movie.
But the "profound impact" is still there.
What's freaky is that after 30 or so years, the undead have finally discovered how to run. Back in the 70's the
zombies shuffled slowly around without any real purpose except to eat some fresh intestines, and they were fairly
easy to pick off one by one yet they always seemed to find some luckless human to feast on eventually.
Now it's going to a bit harder to find sport in knocking off zombies since they can run which makes survival a
tad harder for the few undead undead wandering around. That's bullshit because killing the undead should be fun,
not a chore.
Maybe I'm just my panties in a bunch over nothing since I actually haven't seen the "Dawn of the Dead"
re-make (yet) but have seen bits and pieces of the trailer. Maybe when I see the movie I'll find that they do run
but not really fast which will tilt the zombie killing scale back to fun. Maybe I'll just give up and become a
zombie because it doesn't seem to be that bad of a deal especially since I would be able to RUN.
Okay, I lied about the "profound effect".
Plus, I'm not going to become a zombie killer because zombies aren't real.
I am going to join a nunnery though, since that "Passion" movie had another one of those profound impacts
on me. "Rocky" did too so I'm going to become a boxing nun. "Rain Man" effected me so I'm going
to become a boxing nun who just happens to be an autistic savant. "Old Yeller" got to me so I am going
to be a autistic savant boxing nun who shoots dogs.
Fuck it, I admit I'm weak and am easily corrupted and swayed by movies so I'm going to become a cancer stricken
autistic savant boxing nun who shoots dogs while travelling down a river in a boat in the 'Nam.
COMING NEXT:
Candles swaying in the passing breeze from a galloping fox.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com |
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