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Lunatic Ravings - 01/19/04
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday |
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From: "Haley
Barber" (vbcelmeab@hotmail.com)
To: snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com,
publishing@theweirdcrap.com, webmaster@theweirdcrap.com
Subject: jesuit
kitty
Date: Wed, Jan
14, 2004, 3:17am (PST+7)
Reply to: "Haley
Barber" (vbcelmeab@hotmail.com)
Hi,
Genierc and Sepur Viarga (Caiils) available online!
Most trusted online source!
Cilais or (Spuer Vagira) takes affect right away & lasts 24-36 huors! FOR SUEPR VAIRGA TOCUH HERE
Genierc Virgaa costs 60% less! save a lot of $.
FOR VIGARA TOCUH HERE
Both products shipped discretely to your door
Not itnreseted
migratory ohmic custer pitchstone arabesque culpable orchestra delta castanet beet cole ibid committable inca distributive
cattleman ductwork inter elaine opaque elisha inaccurate janitorial abetting moisten jennings oppressor carob desirous
leatherwork hundred gusty laughingstock gaulle circlet laminar browbeaten hampshire connote gasoline prominent
dhabi monomeric confirmatory picket alum perforce huffman bankruptcy binocular faithful corroborate deity leap
barbara inside particle halfback herkimer dwell caliper beady embassy destroy hurl sequitur lichen execute restrain
apostolic daytime christmas gristmill lasso fran amaze notoriety anorthic manna sidewall orleans foamflower r's
mans callous rapport infima bike ellipsometer schwartz intersect pertinacious hans flatulent delusive cormorant
determine sinai kingfisher eratosthenes acronym canyon cornflower primordial generic drophead imprecate counterpart
indemnity cleave octogenarian alcove compost endogamy gadolinium hesitant registrable invincible ineffective moluccas
intramolecular blueback inculcate hath gilt papacy congratulatory drowsy deportee pitch caliphate inattentive brainchild
domain impeller cohesion heckman excretion alsatian farsighted nutcrack category jettison fine churchwomen complain
sever freight lloyd contempt cutaneous headset insecticide elba lomb baccalaureate graze convoke runnymede clime
semper bursty morbid reddish airmail return seminal mutual handwrite hillcrest filtrate belladonna germane architectonic
data klein gogo east circumscribe gerard okinawa physiotherapy incarcerate byzantine immoderate auctioneer declaim
dieldrin epithelial factory niobe buttock inadequate powder astrophysical bistate dunkirk kant padlock burnside
provide rice aspire convict chordate diagnostic bow pivot buxom loophole sensate englishman falcon crossbill gradual
lineal elevate capstone disaccharide endemic imbalance dane competition empstead deliberate chert heaven renovate
sahara haste interregnum hattiesburg filigree gab gratuitous crank historian blubber germicide declare mauricio
graduate egg consular emulsify gilligan ardent empty broadloom cloudburst flick forlorn gruff appraise accra baby
phthalate circus dolce howl arrogate
The above is an email that I received that I might have been interested in. I tried to access the site (www.sabletimesaround.com)
because I had a hankering to order some Viarga and/or some Spuer Vagira but the link did not work.
I emailed Haley Barber and let them know that I could not access the site to order the fine product advertised
but have not received a response. I could have hurt my chances of receiving a reply since I did bring into question
the complete lack of spelling skills and I might have insinuated that those working for the company were quite
stupid.
What I'm confused about is the list of words at the bottom of the email. What is the diabolical meaning? Is this
some sort of super-duper secret code that I need to know in order to join a secret underground society? Could this
contain a certain group of words that will wake up sleeper agents? Have I uncovered something big that will catapult
me to the big time?
Maybe some people who read this email have something click in their tiny pea-brain and they go ahead and try to
make the world believe that they did purchase a winning lottery ticket but accidentally lost it. This person will
actually hire a lawyer to fight their case and go on national tv with their sob story only to fess up a week later
claming that the only reason they did it was because they needed the money because they were going through some
hard times.
If it was that easy, I know that I've purchased every winning ticket in every lottery ever since I was born. However,
I can't show any proof of this because I am very absentminded and have missplaced every ticket but I damn sure
want my winning and I want them NOW.
When I receive my winnings, I will be the first ever multi-multi-multi-millionaire and I can arrange love caravans
to support Michael Jackson every day of the week. I really wanted to join last week's caravan but I couldn't due
to a pleasantly large bowel movement that took up most of my Friday.
I wrote a poem to show my support for Michael:
Let Michael go
Cause he's not a ho
Let Michael free
Gee, I have to pee
Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael-oh
See the snow, how it blows, oh, oh, oh
MIchael go and build a fence
Then all can see your innocence
Hey diddily diddily diddily hey
Those who are against him will fucking pay |
You can use my poem for shirts, mugs, pens and any other trinkets but
only if you pay me. I accept cash and oxen as long as it's still alive. I once had someone send me an oxen hindquarter
as payment which I could not accept so I had to return it to the payer which upset them greatly because it was
dropped off on their front porch and sat there for 10 days before the payer returned from vacation and it was in
quite nasty
shape indeed. I received negative feedback from this person even though the payment description clearly stated
"cash and live oxen".
I'll also accept a functional ant farm if the live oxen or cash cannot be sent. By functional I mean that there
better be ant cities and ant roads not a clump of ants freaking out because their hard work had been erased by
a human wit a mean streak. I will also accept dead guppies and the left rear leg of a Victorian armchair or a large
ball of rubber bands as long as it's multi-colored and pleasing to the eye.
I'd probably accept more but please let me know what it is before you send it so I can have proper time to notify
the authorities if need be.
COMING NEXT:
My kingdom for a splinter
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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