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Lunatic Ravings!
A few people have asked me why there are no pictures posted of the fine folks behind this site. I don't know why people would care about what we look like but we've figured that some folks are just strange that way. One of the reasons why is because in front of my house there is a sign that reads "Welcome Friends", yet barely 6 feet away the welcome mat reads "GO AWAY". This is such a contradiction that it causes anyone who visits to become befuddled and they find themselves in a conundrum. And still the cottage cheese in the refrigerator gets older and moldier by the minute. Maybe a better reason that we don't have our pictures posted is that we are not who you think we are because we want you to think that were someone that were not.. Maybe it would shock the world to find out who we really are. Maybe the second coming of the Jesus dude would be nothing compared to who we really are. Yet I find this new email asking me to visit a site filled with Nympho Asian Exotic Whores strangely exciting in a tingly sort of way. It could be that we're absolutely hideous. There's the possibility that if our pictures were posted, people would be so disgusted that they would start vomiting until they could vomit no more. It would be one of those things so sick that they would come back for another look because it was so nasty, causing them to vomit some more. I think that if this was the case, then people wouldn't come back for some more fine reading stuff because they would be sick (and tired) of wiping vomit chunks off their computer screens. But, no matter where I stand in the backyard, the statue of the grinning cat always seems to be staring directly at me. There's also the chance that we are so damn pretty that if you were to look at our pictures, you would turn into stone. I'm talking prettier than pretty here. Angelic with a small dash of the devil. Kind of like a Yugo with a Mercedes logo attached to the front grill. Or would it be the other way around? Which brings to mind the awesome set of Lincon Logs I owned until 2 weeks ago when the bastard neighbor kids stole them. How about the fact that maybe we don't want "the man" to know who we really are? Maybe if "the man" figures out we are, than "the man" would take away our only reason for living because that's something "the man" likes to do. But what if we were really "the man" making you think that "the man" is after us? That probably makes you think that that's something "the man" would do. So, are we "the man", working for "the man", "the man" pretending not to be "the man" which would just make us "the man" or not "the man" but wishing we were "the man" but not really sure on how to become "the man"? Shhhh. The doorbell just rang. If we keep quiet, they'll think nobody's home............... The real reason might be that there are no known pictures of us anywhere. Go ahead and check our yearbooks if you don't believe me. In place of a photograph are the words "Not Available". Driver's license you ask? Veil I answer. We got that funky far out belief system on our side. How about those wanted posters? Remember that those are just artist renderings, so they probably don't even come close to what we really look like. And the snowshoes still don't seem to fit. COMING NEXT: I answer your email! Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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