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Lunatic Ravings!
Since nothing remotely interesting in happening in the world, I really have nothing to write about. But I need to write something so I can get paid and to make you feel like you didn't waste your time visiting this web site only to find that nothing new had been posted. So, I'm going to describe everything that happened to me day by day last week. It fills up space and makes it look like I care about what I do. Monday---Basically did nothing. Watched some tv, checked out porn sites and ate some food. Tuesday---Same as Monday, only visited different porn sites since I don't want to be caught in a rut. Wednesday---Killed a person with an axe and buried him in my backyard and urinated on the grave. At least that's what I dreamt about during my midday nap. Visited new porn sites and ate some olives and cheese. Thursday---THANKSGIVING. Actually left the house and went to K-Mart. I didn't realize that they would be open, but they were. Will never do this again. Women fighting over the stupidest shit really pisses me off and ruins the purpose of the day. Had hamburgers for dinner since I don't believe in the turkey shit. Checked out new porn sites but felt guilty since it was Thanksgiving. Wonder how I'll feel on Christmas day as I check out porn. I guess I'll seen then. Friday---James Bond marathon on TNN. I have them all on DVD, but found myself watching them on tv anyway. 10 minutes of movie and 5 minutes of commercial. Ate black-eyed peas and grits. Checked out porn sites and then went to sleep. Saturday---Ate four bowls of Corn Pops, played a videogame, watched tv and lightly napped. Went to a bar around 6 pm and found myself vomiting after drinking 17 beers. Noticed that I was puking up black stuff and thought it was part of my lungs so I went to the hospital. I had them pump my stomach and perform numerous tests and was told that the black stuff was not parts of my lungs but undigested Oreos that I had eaten earlier. This made me feel much, much better. Sunday---I rested. God did too, so it's okay. Almost ate a couple of Cheeto's but decided against it. Started watching "Earth Girls are Easy" and now know why it didn't win any major awards. Went online and visited porn sites. Wrote what you're reading now and will go to bed when I'm done since I have such a busy week coming up. Finishing up what I've been writing, only have one more thing to come up with. COMING NEXT: Something better. I am done now. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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