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Lunatic Ravings!
Before I go on and bore you with the things I love, I have to mention another crazy lawsuit that got my hate juices flowing. It seems that a 9 year old kid is suing his 10 year old friend for hitting him with an aluminum baseball bat. The 9 year old was injured and did have a broken bone, but it wasn't a serious, life threatening injury. So, no big deal. Right? Wrong. We got ourselves another lawsuit. I thought about this and couldn't figure out what you could sue a 10 year old for. Maybe he has awesome collection of European porn buried somewhere in his back yard. Maybe it's something to do with Pokemon or Digimon or whatever mon is the new fad. Whatever the reason, it's just downright stupid. When I was a kid, my best friend stabbed me in my left side with a sharp stick. He embedded the stick in as far as he could and twisted and turned it as I screamed and he laughed. When he finally got bored he pulled out the stick and was surprised to find my liver stuck to the end of the stick. I passed out when I saw my liver stuck on the stick, and when I woke up, I was in a nice, comfortable hospital bed. My liver was back in place, and I was as good as new. My friend visited me a couple of times, and we had a good laugh. Never once did I think of suing him. We were strong kids back then. No amount of pain would turn us against our best friend. Besides, I got even with him a year later by pushing him in front of a speeding Good Humor truck and he had to have both legs and half of his left arm amputated. It's all about being young and having fun. Whatever the 9 year old gets I hope he chokes on it. And his parents too since they probably told him that the only way they could afford to get him anything for Christmas this year would be for him to sue his friend. That's life, I guess. So, on we go to the things I love. Music. I love almost all types of music. Rain. I love the rain, more now than ever since I live in Las Vegas where it averages maybe 1/1000 inches of rain every ten years. Lap dances. Okay, I've never actually had one, but I've seen 'em and they look like something I'd love. Beer. A good book. No shit, I actually read. Some people who'll I keep anonymous since it might embarrass them. I love myself because I'm cool. At least that's what I think. I love you. That's right. YOU. You let me into your life for a few minutes and I am forever grateful. Watching something I planted grow. (No Bob, no marijuana here.) Going to the grocery store and sticking my dick in a jar of peanut butter. It's been a while with this one, especially since everything is safety sealed for our protection. Living life. You gotta love something that you're allowed to do without knowing why. COMING NEXT: Cleaning up my act. Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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