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Lunatic Ravings!
Hate. Such a strong word and something we are taught as children to avoid. Webster's defines hate as "intense hostility" and "extreme dislike" towards a person or thing. I have an extreme dislike for fat free cream cheese because it tastes like shit. Since I have this extreme dislike, I can therefore say that I hate fat free cream cheese. Okay, maybe that's stupid. It's people you're not supposed to hate since it is so un-PC. Everybody has their rights and doesn't deserve to feel hate coming from other people because that would be unfair. Everyone should be given a chance, turn the other cheek, etc., etc. Fine and dandy. So, what we go here is a high ranking big business muckety-muck sitting in a chair pleading the fifth because that's what his high priced legal minds told him to do while those hard working folks who made Mr. Muckety-Muck all his money by coming to work every day (so he can afford his 140 million vacation cabin on the moon and 2 seat sports car that fits him, his shrinking dick and blonde bimbo with fake tits who's just there for the money) are trying to figure out a way to put a meal on the table for the next month, yet Mr. Muckety-Muck can go home after his day before the court and have his Manhattan served by his trained albino monkey in his luxurious 70 billion dollar, 900 room mansion. He feels good because his rights haven't been violated, but he'll fuck over the 'little" people, because he doesn't need them anymore. Yet, he'll go ahead and apologize to them and swear to get to the bottom of the problem, while in the back of his mind he's hoping there's a pill being invented that will outdo Viagra tenfold. Yep, I have an extreme dislike for Mr. Muckety-Muck. I hate him. Is that wrong? How about that sports star who's a multi-millionaire who doesn't have to turn himself in to the authorities until the time is good for him? I'm thinking that those authorities better be hunting his ass down before he possibly does something else. Sometimes I just hate The Man. Only sometimes though. I don't want The Man coming after me. How about those missed abortions that kidnap and kill children? Is it okay to hate them? Of course it is, 'cause it's okay to hate sick, depraved fucks (this is something you might want to teach your kids) even though they are "insane". Pro-choice folks will probably hate me for mentioning abortion, but that's okay. I can take it. If you've been visiting this site for a long time, you probably know I have an extreme dislike towards shitty drivers and I have also been known to display intense hostility towards a chosen few. Las Vegas has a serious problem with people who run red lights. I hate those people. It's a simple process: Red=STOP. How hard is that? I sat down and watched all 18 "Death Wish" movies plus all those "Billy Jack" masterpieces to learn a little about being a vigilante. With "Billy Jack" I learned nothing except how to speak in a very calm tone of voice no matter what the situation was, so that was basically no help at all. The day came and I drove around finding my first victim of some vigilante justice. I found my victim at a stoplight and it just so happened to be some middle aged woman driving a silver Chevy Suburban. I could tell right off the bat that she was trouble. She had the short dark hair. She had those fashion glasses. She was wearing a multi-colored shirt. I figured she was probably wearing blue or green spandex shorts. And she was staring at me with hate in her eyes. That's probably because I'm so pretty, but that's not my fault. The light turned green and off we went!! The next light is about a quarter mile down the road. As I'm getting closer, the light turns yellow, so I slow, and then it turns red so I stop. Remember, Red=STOP. Where's Ms. Chevy Suburban? Why she's about two car lengths behind me in the left lane. I'm stopped since the light is red. Yet she doesn't. I watch as the silver Suburban drives by me through the red light. Now's the time for some vigilante justice. (Yep, you're hooked. I can tell.) l lay on the horn. This causes the Suburban lady to freak out and she slams on the brakes and the vehicle comes to a stop in the middle of the intersection. The semi truck that was coming from the right didn't have enough time to stop, and it plowed into the passenger side of the Suburban. I guess Ms. Chevy wasn't wearing a seatbelt (shame, shame, shame) because she went flying out the driver side door, hit the pavement, bounced a couple of times and finally ended up lying peacefully in the middle of the street staring at the pretty birdies in the sky wondering what went wrong. (In case you're wondering, her spandex shorts were green.) The light turned green for me and I went home. All the hate had left my system for the time being so I invited some friends over and celebrated with lots of alcohol and tobacco, much to the shock and horror of Baby Gurl. COMING NEXT: Are you kidding? Email Stephen! snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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