Masters of Reality---"Deep in the Hole"
As with anything new, like our new religion, there are bound to be some questions. I am going to do my best to
answer the most asked questions and the minor ones I'm not going to worry about because I am sure you'll eventually
figure them out yourselves.
1) Most, if not all, religions need to have money coming in. What will
you do with the money that is given to your religion?
If you send us money, chances are that it'll be used for women, booze and drugs
for Bob. Hold onto your money. We have no overhead and don't need money to do stuff like adding a new wing on our
house of worship. No need for bake sales or bingo or any shit like that.
2) Who or what do I worship?
Anything or anybody. If you spot a boulder that interests you, then that boulder
can become your god. Since it's a boulder and it has no feelings, you can change your mind and worship something
or someone else in the future without fear of reprisal. However, if you choose to worship your best friend and
they piss you of by not picking up their part of the tab at the bar and you decide to worship another friend, then
there might be some consequences especially if your old friend knew that they were your god.
If you decide to worship a Hollywood star or rock singer and change your mind at a later date, chances are great
that they won't mind since they probably wouldn't know that you considered them your god.
Worship who or what you want. That's it in a nutshell.
3) Is there a standard prayer I should be saying?
Nope. Something along the lines of "Hey, it's me. Thank you." would
work out sufficiently. If something good happens to you and you say this prayer to your god, then you're thanking
whoever or whatever your god is.
If something really fucked up happened to you and you say this same prayer, then you're blaming you're god which
is cool because they/it won't mind because they're your god.
And remember that if fucked up shit is always happening to you even though you're praying to your chosen god, you
can change your god to someone/something (hopefully) better!!
4) How about hymns? Any one I should learn?
Again, no. Just pick your favorite song and that can be your hymn. So what if
it's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards. It's your choice.
5) Will there be a designated house of worship for this new religion?
We want to save the environment and your gas money so your home can be your house
of worship. If you want to have other followers join you at your home to worship, go right ahead.
Go worship at Best Buy for all we care. We just recommend that you stay away from Wal Mart because the employees
there are absolute dumb pricks and wouldn't understand what you're doing.
6) This new religion sounds great! No priests, no "fear of God".
When can I start?
Anytime, with no money down!!!
That's all for now. Gotta go and pray to my blanket.
COMING NEXT: Nevada to
Michigan: I plan our road trip to spread the word!!
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
