Asia---"Asia"
Supposedly today was the day that I answered a few emails with smart, helpful hints, but that's not going to happen
since every email I've been getting has revolved around Melissa and her life.
For those wondering about Melissa, I can only beg you not to send me any more email asking me about her life, likes,
dislikes, measurements, width, sexual perversions, bathroom habits, etc., etc. I'm not going to answer them because
I have nothing to do with her. I don't care about her and I don't read her weekly column.
So, I don't care if it seems that her life has "entered the Twilight Zone". I don't care if you feel
that her life is "totally unrealistic and devoid of anything of worth" or that "I would bang her
like she's never been banged before." I don't care!!
And now, since I was so looking forward to answering some email and I have none to answer, I am a bit depressed.
I actually had to take some time out of my precious life and try to figure out what I would write about, but my
mind is a complete blank.
I could write about Luke Helder and his smiley face plot, but what's the point in that? I have no idea why he would
want to do something like that but wouldn't be surprised if a link was found between his recent behaviour and his
addiction to Fruity Pebbles. That's up to the authorities to figure out and I don't want to get in their way.
Sure, it might not actually be Fruity Pebbles, but it's got to be one of those cereals that are chock full of sugary
goodness. If you're angry at someone, you don't think of a smiley face, so Luke was under the influence of some
high sugar substance, which would make him feel happy and carefree.
Some people might think that he was on drugs when he started dropping pipe bombs in mailboxes, but I am 100% absolutely
positive that's false since he was in a rock band and his favorite band was Nirvana and anyone with half a brain
knows that people in rock bands don't do drugs, especially those who want to be just like Nirvana.
So, I don't want to write about Luke Helder and try to make sense out of what he did. Besides, just give it a couple
of years and I'm sure that we'll have a very special edition of "Celebrity Boxing" on Fox with the main
event of John Walker Lindh vs. Luke Helder and all of our questions will be answered.
COMING NEXT: Is skakel
a disease? Sure sounds like one to me.
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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