Aldo Nova---"Nova's Dream"
I have another dislike to add to my list. I still dislike mini van drivers, Wal-Mart and those that sue over the
most trivial and stupidest of matters, and now I am adding large people who wear those stupid flip-flop things.
Flip flops were great during the summer when I was a kid. Eventually I outgrew them and thought that they had quietly
phased out. Oh, how wrong I was.
Now I see people wearing those silly flip flops everywhere. Actually, I wouldn't have noticed except for the slapping
noise those fucking things make every time they hit the bottom of the foot.
The more I paid attention to those that wear them, I realized that those without a severe weight problem didn't
have that slapping sound everytime they took a step. It was the grossly overweight people who probably couldn't
find a shoe that would fit over their obese foot flesh so they went to their local discount store and picked up
a couple of pairs of .99 flip flops. Those are the people making that disgusting slapping noise while they walk,
and they make me sick.
I never took physics because it's for geeks and virgins. However, I know that the weight of a person has a direct
correlation to the sound a flip flop makes when it hits the bottom of the foot. Since there is a shitload of weight
above the foot, that would make the downward force of the foot that much more violent causing a loud slapping sound
for every step. That's physics and I figured it out by myself. So, fuck school!!
Next time you're at a mall, go ahead and sit down somewhere. Close your eyes and listen for the sound of the flip
flop. The louder the sound is, the larger the person. As you imagine the rubber hitting the bottom of the large,
lumpy, fleshy, sweaty, stretch marked foot, feel the disgust well up inside of you. If ax murders were still legal
in this country, you know what you could have done next, but they're not so just content yourself with the fact
that you know the physics of the flip flop.
So, I heard that a company is putting out trading cards with pictures of those that passed away at the World Trade
Center on 9/11/02. I think it's a great idea as long as the proceeds go to a worthwhile cause.
However, I just hope they don't do what those baseball card companies did in my youth and only make a limited number
of a certain card so you found yourself buying as many packs of cards that your allowance would allow. Then, you
found you had a shitload of doubles of a player that you could care less about and you couldn't even trade it away
to a friend, so the card ended up in the spokes of your bike and then 25 years later you find that card is worth
some serious money.
FInally, Joe S., from parts unknown, sent in an email that stated:
"I LOVE VAGINA!"
In this day and age, it's good that someone would announce his love for someone else and let us be the first to
let the lucky lady in Joe's life know that someone out there loves her. It almost brings a tear to my eye. Now,
I don't want to sound like an expert or anything, but I recommend to Joe that he find some way to shorten his girlfriends
name because I have this crazy notion that his friends might have a field day with someone with the name "Vagina".
COMING NEXT: We rate the
2002 automobiles!
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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