Blind Faith---"Blind Faith"
I thought we were going to outscoop "Ain't it Cool News' with out final episode of "Friends", but
those bastards had to sign on for another year. I guess it just proves my point that you can't trust anyone in
Hollywood, especially when it's someone you've never dealt with in the past. It would have been a great final episode.
A ratings giant. Oh well, there's always next year.
Got a letter from our local Nazi party or, as they like to be called, the local property management company.
It seems that they have a problem with our satellite dish which has been attached to the side of our house for
the last year. The property management company, called Terra West, did a little neighborhood run through and decided
that our Directv dish was in violation of code and that we needed to get permission from our surrounding neighbors
to have this large, bulky object attached to the side of our house.
One to comply to the Nazi's wants, I went around and got the needed signatures. I brought all the neighbor's to
our house so that they could see the satellite dish and to give them assurances that this dish would not completely
block the sun from the neighborhood. After my assurances that this would not happen, my neighbors signed the necessary
paper and everything was jolly good.
The very last signature I needed was our next door neighbors and I waited for them to get home. When they finally
did, I gave them the regular spiel and brought them over to look at the dish. They agreed that the dish was posing
no problems and I handed them the papers to sign when a sudden gust of wind sprung up, creating a mini dust and
rock storm. As we bent over hacking up dust and bits of rock the dish detached itself from its pole and headed
towards my neighbor.
My neighbor was still bent over so he luckily didn't see what was coming. I didn't try to move my neighbor or stop
the descent of the spinning dish because that would have been the neighborly thing to do and I was a bit tired
from having to walk around to get the signatures so I just stood and watched as the spinning dish hit my neighbor
in the back of the neck, knocking him to the ground.
I would have thought that since the dish was now firmly embedded in my neighbor's neck that it would have stopped
spinning, but no, of course that's not what happened. Instead, the dish acted as a circular saw and finally stopped
spinning when my neighbor's head was no longer a vital attachment to the rest of his body. Only then did the dish
come to a complete stop.
I tried to get his wife to sign the paper but she was freaking out and wouldn't sign the paper for some reason.
I am going to go back later this week after she's calmed down, because if I don't get this last signature and the
satellite dish remains attached to the side of the house, Terra West will lay claim to my firstborn who will be
brought up to believe in their values.
If all else fails, I could forge the signature. If I'm caught, what could Terra West do to me?
COMING NEXT: I uncover
who Miss Cleo really is!!!
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
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