Dream Theater---"Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence"
God doesn't seem to want to do it, so it's up to us to gather together hordes of locusts so that we can train them
to make those that piss us off miserable.
In order to do this we will have to start small. I've thought a few seconds about this and came up with two people
who we can test our super smart trained locusts on.
First would be that person in Florida who won't take of their veil for their driver's license photo because they're
not allowed to show their face to someone they don't know. So says their religion.
This person claims to be a woman, but it could be Michael Jackson for all we know. If this person wins their case,
then I'm marching my ass down to the local DMV and demanding a new license with my face covered in cowshit because
that's what my religion says I must do. Then the fun would start because I would be able to get away with anything!!!
I could give my ID to under age kids for a $10.00 fee so that they could buy liquor and go to topless bars!! I
could "borrow" someone's ID who's religious belief is to completely cover their face with Hustler centerfolds
and then I could wander around and urinate in public places. Then when I'm caught, I just show them the stolen
ID and I'm free and clear!!!
Or, I could get with the program and realise that driving is a privilege, NOT A FUCKING RIGHT and if I don't like
it, I could just pack my collection of veils in a suitcase and go back to my country where a Cheerio could feed
me and my 17 children for a whole year.
My next locust victim is Mrs. Lay because she's a lying baggie of monkey urine when she claims that she and her
husband are broke because Enron went bankrupt. Yeah, sure. I believe that as much as I believe in those tears you
shed during your MSNBC interview.
My next locust victim would not be a singe person but a certain group. I won't mention them by name, but I can
tell you that there's going to be a large sporting event held in their state within the next month and this group
of people run the state. But why release locusts on these fine folks? Why, I'll tell ya!!
Athletes need to get laid. It's a simple fact. So, a certain governing body decided to have free condoms at this
sporting event for the athletes use. But some people think that this is wrong because sex shouldn't be recreational
and these athletes should have other things on their minds other than sex.
The truth is that this group in this state holding the sporting event don't want the athletes to wear condoms because
they want to give their women to the athletes in order to have unprotected sex so the women can become pregnant
with a new member for the group which means more money for this group because, when the baby grows up, it has to
give this group a certain percentage of it's paycheck.
And since there's going to be athletes from all over the world, this gives this group the chance to have their
women get pregnant and the athlete would be forced to marry the woman and bring her back to his country where she'll
give birth and then she'll start converting others in the country and the child will to when it's old enough and
there's not enough locusts in the world to stop this madness so we're basically fucked so you might as well pack
it in, grab a six pack of beer, load your shotgun, put "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath in your CD player
and guard your front door with your life.
COMING NEXT: Little did you know.....
Email Stephen!
snide_remarks@theweirdcrap.com
|
