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Lunatic Ravings - 12/31/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday
Todd Rundgren---"The Very Best of Todd Rundgren"
It's that time of year to reflect on what was and for me to predict what shall be. The predictions I made last
year basically sucked and not one came true (well, maybe one but we'll probably never know) so this time I will
try to do better.
10) I'll get drunk at some point of the year. So will you. If you don't drink, start. If you have a drinking problem
and have been to one of those programs. go ahead and have a few so my prediction can come true.
9) Lots of people worldwide will die from old age. Its happened the last few years and I don't see the trend ending
anytime soon.
8) The new Star Wars movie will be #1 at the box office for at least one week. You heard it here first.
7) In a stunning comeback, Keel releases an album that becomes the biggest seller of all time and mounts a huge
worldwide tour.
6) Oprah and Rosie wage war against each other culminating in a pay-per-view wrestling match that no one purchases
or attends. Both of their magazines fold and they band together with Geraldo Rivera in the search for Waldo.
5) Jerome discovers that the cure for cancer is peanut butter.
4) The cast of "Friends" throw a hissy fit and walk off the set causing one of the caterers to go totally
ballistic for some strange reason. The producers find look-a-likes to fill in for the season and none of the viewers
notice since they are quite stupid. The bodies of the original cast are found many years later in the basement
of the caterer but nobody cares.
3) Britney Spears admits she is a sex addict and poses for an issue of Hustler which I purchase since I am sick
and depraved.
2) Something mysterious will happen. Maybe.
1) The Mets will completely dominate the NL East and the tomahawk chop will be no more.
Have a great New Year!!!!!!!!
COMING NEXT: Our person(s)
of the year!!!
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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