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Lunatic Ravings - 12/24/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday
Various---"A Rock 'N' Roll Christmas"
On this, the day before Christmas, let's think about the true meaning of the holiday. I'm sure you've heard this
many times before, but I'm going to mention it again so maybe this time it'll hit home.
Christmas is not about getting gifts, no matter how commercialized it's become. It's about getting gifts you want,
not some shit you never asked for or would ever dream of owning. When you get what you want, then Christmas is
that much more special. So, if you're thinking about getting your wife/girlfriend that designer douche, think again.
You might be sending the wrong message to her.
Christmas is about the birth of the Lord and also those bitchin after Christmas sales. Cards and wrapping paper
for 80% off? I'm there. Remember, the Lord does not like waste so as long as you save a few bucks after his birthday,
he's going to be mighty pleased.
Try not to watch any porn on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Hey, even Cinemax knows when it's not the proper time
to air porn so go ahead and follow their lead. Two days out of the year without porn won't kill you. Trust me,
I know.
Don't call that 800 number you see on the TV for that hot new gadget. Think about who is going to answer the phone:
Some person making minimum wage who had to pass a typing test that showed they can type 15 words a minute and I
can damn well guarantee that the last place they want to be is taking orders for the George Foreman Grill. Have
pity on those people and let them make their money on Christmas the easy way by getting paid for doing nothing.
Don't be nice to your neighbor who you have hated the rest of the year. They're still going to be an asshole and
being nice to them for one day isn't going to change their behavior.
Think of those that have to spend Christmas alone, like Drew Barrymore and Tom Green. On second thought, who cares?
Above all else, remember what happened on 9/11 and how many lives were affected. Take a moment to reflect on what
was lost and how we can make life better for those who's lives were impacted.
Take care and have a Merry Christmas from all of us at theweirdcrap!!!!!
COMING NEXT: Fearless
predictions for 2002!!
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
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