|
|
|
Lunatic Ravings - 10/29/01
By Stephen Johnson
Published each Monday and Thursday
Joe Jackson---"Look Sharp!"
Halloween is right around the corner so it's time for some spooky observations from little old me.
For the last month, I've been listening to talk radio while in the car, mainly The Michael Reagan Show and The
Savage Nation.
Michael Reagan seems to have his head fairly centered o his shoulders, even though he is related to that guy who
went to bed with Bonzo the monkey.
On the other hand, there's Mike Savage. Don't know why this guy has his own show, unless there is a government
grant out there for people who are using Hooked on Phonics.
When Mr. Savage reads something like a letter or news article, he has the tendency to stretch out words, kind of
like this:
"When I went to the stooooore to pick up my local paaaaper, I noticed a woooooman who was holding a young
baaaaaaby in her arms and the baaaaaaby was crying because mommmmmy was too busy reading Soap Opera Diiiiiigest
instead of buying her kid a caaaaandy bar."
I'm proud of the fact that Mr. Savage is learning to read, but he should do this on his own time. Listening to
someone sound out words on a public show is quite annoying, but he has his loyal fan base, so who cares.
The hosts of the talk shows aren't the worst problem though. It's the callers. Everyone is entitled to their opinion,
but not when their opinion is stupid.
Michael Reagan understands this, but Mike Savage does not. If someone says something totally stupid to Michael
Reagan, he ends up making the caller understand that they are stupid. He doesn't call them stupid, but asks them
sensible questions that the caller cannot answer without having it repeated a few times, and after receiving no
answer, the caller is disconnected.
Mike Savage caters to people like himself, the illiterate. He agrees with the dumb ones and throws a tantrum when
someone comes up with a sensible idea or question.
That's what America's about. The dumb, whether they be male or female, are allowed an opinion. This might be wrong,
but the dumb ones are the people who make us laugh when we hear them speak, so we should leave them alone. For
now.
Please remember the true meaning of Halloween. It's not about dressing up in costumes and begging for candy.
Nope, the true meaning of Halloween is drinking sheep blood in the middle of a cornfield while performing ritual
sacrifices to appease your pagan god. The true meaning of Halloween has been lost over the last few decades and
it's about time we start celebrating correctly.
Also remember that the Osama Bin Laden costume is not a good costume for the kids if you would rather forgo the
sacrifice stuff and celebrate Halloween the pussy way. Well, not an appropriate costume in the United States, but
a fairly big seller in Mexico.
Mexico? Wait a minute here.
Why would that costume be popular in Mexico? I don't know, but I saw a video of a woman in Mexico trying on the
Osama mask as her son looked on. The street vendor who had the costumes looked uncomfortable, but the lady was
laughing and having a grand old time. What's up with that?
Fuck it, I guess we'll have to bomb Mexico too.
COMING NEXT: Wait! What
do you mean ritual sacrifices are illegal?
snide_remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
|
|
|
