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For Disappointment, Email Stephen
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 Blue Oyster Cult---"Curse of the Hidden Mirror"
Summer is right around the corner which means that road rage incidents will increase. In order for you to not succumb
to road rage to get back at some idiot, I am going to lend a helping hand and give you some pointers on how to
handle potentially bad situations.
Being stuck in traffic when the temperature is over 100 degrees is quite the testy situation. It becomes a bit
more elevated when you notice the car next to you is trying to merge in front of you when they have had ample opportunity
to do so a couple of miles back.
Make sure they are looking at you, then pretend to have a seizure. Throw you hand up and wave them around and start
jerking your head spastically. If you are drinking some sort of red liquid, let some of it dribble out of your
mouth.
Doing this serves no purpose whatsoever, but it is fun to do since it alleviates the boredom of waiting in traffic.
9 out of 10 times the person is still going to cut in front of you, but as long as you can amuse yourself, you
will never have to worry about being afflicted with road rage.
Another driver to mess with is the creeper. This is the person who is the first in line at a red light and thinks
they are cool because they slowly pull forward into the intersection when the light's still red because they want
to get a head start on the car next to them.
Next time you see a creeper, go ahead and take the gun out of your glove compartment and shoot out one of their
back tires. This also serves no purpose but it does cause the driver to pull over to the side of the road. Watching
someone scream at you from the side of the road is quite amusing, especially if they have no cell phone and the
nearest service station is about five miles away.
If they don't realize that it was you that shot out one of their tires, what is even more fun is stopping to help
them change their tire. Go ahead and act very concerned and when they're not paying attention, slash another tire
and, if you can, go ahead and take their car keys and throw them as far as can.
If you pull alongside a car that is playing music that you can't stand at a very high volume, it's a blast to take
any type of bite size chocolate candy, unwrap it and throw it through their open car window.
It works much better if it's a back window that's open because the chances of them noticing little bite size candy
bars flying into their car is basically nil. Even it it's only the passenger window that's open, as long as you
throw handfuls of the candy into their car, it will do the trick. There is no way they would be able to find all
the candy bars before they melt. Imagine your pride when you think about how much of a bitch it will be for them
to clean up a bunch of melted Milky Way bars.
If doing any of the above is too drastic for you, go ahead and use the old standby and call the driver who pisses
you off a "fucking spasticated shitweasel". That's what I do.
COMING NEXT: I get busted for having a milk
crate.
Click Here if you wanna give Stephen "A
Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
A new Lunatic Ravings pops up each Monday and Thursday. |
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