|
For Disappointment, Email Stephen
|
|
 Poundhound---"Pineappleskunk"
No news on the missing Bob front.
I thought I had a good lead on Friday when I received an anonymous call from someone who told me to go check out
the fresh roadkill lying on the side of the road approximately 1 mile from my house.
I figured that there was a possibility that the roadkill could be Bob since he has been known to wander aimlessly
in the middle of the street after a morning binge of tequila and Bud Light.
I quickly dressed and threw my roadkill clean up equipment in the back of my car. Off I went, my heart giddy with
excitement. Nothing is better than finding good, fresh roadkill.
.
When I got to the roadkill, I was disappointed. It was a dog, not Bob. I sat for a moment in the car, pissed off,
until it dawned on me that Bob could have actually turned into a dog. Tequila is well known to have special side
effects, and turning a human into a dog was one of those.
When I got out of the car, I noticed something was leaking from the dog's head. Not blood, but a clear liquid which
excited me. It had to be tequila!!
I found a spoon in my car and scooped up some of the clear liquid. I first smelled it, but it was odorless. This
confused me because I know what tequila smells like from being around Bob.
My next course of action was to taste it, and taste it I did. It definitely did not taste like tequila but it did
taste like a mixture of ham juice and V8. This stumped me and I lay next to the dead animal trying to figure out
my next step.
I finally decided that if Bob had turned into a dog, there would have to be some human organs inside the dog. Back
to the car I went for the chainsaw.
I started the chainsaw and gingerly cut into the dog's belly. Out popped numerous organs, none of which looked
vaguely human. This made me quite mad, so I started to yank stuff out of the dog hoping to find at least a human
kidney.
So immersed was I in my project that I didn't notice the police car pull up behind my car. As I pulled out a doggy
lung, I heard something behind me and turned with the lung dangling from my hand and found myself staring at the
shiniest boots I had ever seen.
I was lifted off the ground by the cop and quickly carted off to the local jail. I stayed there until Sunday morning
when my wife figured I had learned my lesson.
The jokes on her though, because I somehow managed to keep the lung and with that one piece of tissue, I can make
a new, improved Bob.
Or maybe I should stop drinking too.
COMING NEXT: Whatever I write.
Click Here if you wanna give Stephen "A
Good, Ass Whuppin."
Snide_Remarks@weirdcrap.every1.net
A new Lunatic Ravings pops up each Monday and Thursday. |
|