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Commentary Archives!
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 Here's today's dilemma:
You're stopped at a red light when you hear somebody whistling. You look at the car next to you and find two women
in the car staring at you. You feel a bit embarrassed because you know you are such a pretty lad, and you smile
at them, figuring you have nothing to lose.
They wave at you and, when the light turns green, drive away. You are intrigued and want to follow them, yet there
is a great woman waiting at home for you.
But, you remember that earlier that day, one of the cats decided to use one of your speakers as a scratching post
and totally shred the woofer, causing AC/DC to sound like total shit.
Anger builds up and you decide to follow the women because you know that they will lead you to absolute sin especially
since you live in Las Vegas.
So you speed up and get right behind the women, wondering where they will lead you. "Living After Midnight"
starts playing on the radio and you crank it up, not caring if the blue- haired, senile lady casts a dirty look
your way.
Eventually the women stop in the parking lot of a grocery store and you hop out of your car. Feeling a bit anxious,
you walk up to the women and introduce yourself.
They look at you and finally laugh and walk away. Stunned, you stand there feeling like someone told that their
zipper had been down all day while at work.
Now you know you've been had. Someone got a good laugh at your expense. So, what do you do?
 Do you call them a filthy name?
Do you chase them down and lecture them on the correct way to treat people?
Do you slap them?
Do you backhand slap them?
Do you let the air out of their tires?
Nope.
What you should do is hire a contract killer.
Pay him/her a little extra so you can tag along and watch as they wipe out those that led you along.
Right before the contract killer gets down to business, make sure to ask the victims, "Hey, do you remember
me now?" The look on their faces should be priceless.
Remind them who you are. Explain to them that it is only business and that you are really, truly very sorry about
what's going to happen. Sure, they'll apologize and beg and scream and cry and all sorts of whiny stuff, but it's
a little too late for that.
Tell them goodbye, say a little prayer with them and let the killer get on with the business.
And that's that.
Okay, don't do any of the above. I'm just living out a fantasy. To do what I wrote about would be morally wrong.
Refreshing, but wrong. Bad.
A good bad, but still bad.
There. I wrote about morality.
At least, I think I did.
COMING NEXT: I guess I'll
just have to figure that out. |
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