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Commentary Archives!
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 I have been deluged with email on how to dispose of the headless body
in my kitchen. Everything from slicing the body up making tasty jerky treats, to selling the body to an English
family desperately wanting a child to call their own have been mentioned.
It might be a little known fact that a dead body starts to smell after a while, especially if you don't have the
right preservation ingredients. When you wake up and stumble into the kitchen for your daily bowl of King Vitamin,
and there is a rotting, headless body in your kitchen, you stop and think that maybe it is the right time to do
a little bit of housekeeping.
I have found the best way to get rid of a body is to trade it to a local Girl Scout troop for a couple of boxes
of those tasty Thin Mints. By doing this, you don't have to worry about the authorities and the Girl Scouts can
use the body for scientific research and, possibly, a way to develop a new cookie.
Nobody really knows what a melted human body tastes like. It could be quite tasty as far as we know. Wouldn't it
be nice if next year they come out with a new cookie called something like "Marrow Snaps" or "Crispy
Skin Patties"? The cookies they have now are getting kind of old, so something new needs to be introduced.
As our long time readers might know, we like doing research for the betterment of todays society. One thing that
really depresses and angers us is those pesky school kids who decide to gun down fellow students and assorted members
of the faculty.
What causes these quiet children to snap? Is it the music they listen to? Maybe they are getting their ideas from
television programming. Or, maybe its because they snuck into an R rated movie and saw something that fried their
innocent minds. Maybe its because they stumbled upon one of those human/animal sex sites when they were looking
for the, latest news on Britney Spears.
These are some of the things that the "experts" claim cause brain fucked kids. They spend billions of
dollars on "research" and come up with the easiest solution they could possibly find.
We spend absolutely no money on research. We basically latch onto a good idea (at least to us) and run with it.
The "experts" might read our stuff and try to deny our findings, but it's only because we're smarter
and they suck.
We have found that the reason some students are gun happy is because of Pokemon. We figured that since there are
so many of the Pokemon critters, kids find they can't collect them all and, when they find that they have wasted
their hard earned allowance for many years on Pokemon related merchandise and there is no way possible that they
can collect everything, they finally snap and start shooting.
 We know we're right in our findings because we think that Pokemon hit the states a little bit before
the school shootings started in earnest. We feel its a great theory and until someone can claim that it's pure
bullshit, we are going to stick with it.
COMING NEXT: Fucking with
morality. |
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