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Psycho Sermons
By Garion Bel

TheWeirdcrap.com offers an outlet for Bel Garion. Which is good because it keeps him off the streets.

Monday, April 30, 2006

Quality Time with the Fucking Family

By Saint Garion

Family parties can be difficult. Especially when you’re as fond as saying FUCK as I am…


I was sitting too close to the pool where the kiddies were playing and saying fuck this, fuck that, fuckfuckfuckityfuckfuck, and before I knew it, they were crying.


Being pissed off at our President for trying his best to facilitate the end of the world doesn’t help either. Easing EPA clean air regulations!! What the fuck!! How is that going to help gas prices? How?!


God (the voice in my head): “He doesn’t care about the price of gas.”


Saint Garion: “So if a lot of people stop breathing because the air is poison, I suppose you wouldn’t be driving, thereby lowering demand, and the price of gas.”


God: “He believes that the world is ending.”


Saint Garion: “So he is trying to speed it along!?!”


God: “And he wants to make his millions selling canned air.”


Saint Garion: “So in his mind the seas are going to boil, and the air will be poisonous no matter what the EPA does, but all the rich folks will go to heaven before that happens.”


God: “He knows he is going to hell. This is just his way of punishing me; manipulating my children into destroying the world.”


Saint Garion: “So Ket’s bachelor party was last night. The strippers were very friendly.”


God: “Why didn’t you let the lord go with you?”


Saint Garion: “Well Ket’s bride doesn’t like to let dogs on their new furniture, and I’m pretty sure that Ket wouldn’t have enjoyed the strippers in the presence of the lord.”


Saint Garion: “Besides, last time the lord and a stripper were in the same room the stripper started crying and tried to clean his paws with her tear soaked hair.”


God: “I understand, nobody likes it when the stripper cries. People take that kind of thing personal.”




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