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Psycho Sermons:
TheWeirdcrap.com offers an outlet for Bel Garion. Which is good because it keeps him off the streets.

Monday, January 09, 2006


Utah Sucks Dick, The Lord Eats a Bone

The sad thing about the holidays is that when they are over, you have to recover. I have eaten sooo much goat cheese that I don’t think I’ll ever… So when do you think that a whole lot of bone becomes way too much bone for the divine puppy?

Well I happen to know the answer, it was about as big as him and made him sick ‘cause we made him eat it. We’ve spent all day trying to catch the resurrected pig. When the lord vomits, it’s ugly. Well we didn’t really “make” him eat it; we just put it in front of him and walked away. Just like making him eat it if you ask him. Just like the folks in Utah that pulled that gay cowboy film, you cannot apparently be from or in Utah and walk away from something like a cowboy movie, even if it’s gay. It’s just as unfair to lay a bone in front of a dog that’s just as big as him or play a cowboy movie in Utah that’s gay.

The Lord: “What the hell are you thinking? Are you trying to kill me?”

Saint Garion: “Well just eat until you’re full and stop.”

The Lord: “You know I can’t do that, I can’t just walk away from this…” The lord fell into a trance. Eventually he would eat it, all, and get very, very sick. But for now he would stare and plan exactly how it should be done.

No folks in Utah (or puppies in the case of the large bone) will just stare at the thing, and if you want the dog’s attention on anything else, or your men to go to work, you just gotta take the thing away and put it in the fridge.

Because people in Utah are sheep, and will do anything they are told is ok, even if they didn’t want to do it in the first place. Just look at everyone that voted for Bush in the last election. I mean seriously if we, having been told in an ad a few seconds long, that it was a good idea to put a bastard that stupid in charge of all the nuclear weapons, then everybody in Utah (they’re more susceptible than the rest of US) would be gay next month if they played that movie - or if they started running hate ads against straight people. Husbands would leave their wives, and they would have to go out and get that library job… or… that job in the bookstore… or… that job in the religious bookstore. No lesbians in Utah until they run that Lesbian prison movie.

And now I have to prepare a speech for my best friend’s wedding. While I have thought of so many, many, things that I’d like to say; none of them are appropriate.

Wish me luck. God bless.

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