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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
I wish to make an addendum to last week’s column “Shit I will change when I am the
President”:
Majority Rules! This will be the motto of my office. I say this because if 80% of the population smokes, cigarettes
that is, then smoking can not be banned; hence, Majority Rules! And the Non-smokers, who want to live forever,
can stay home and take vitamins.
In addition to Majority Rules, I will institute the “ Shit means what it means” rule. This rule will be put in
place in order to elevate the confusion of “ I’ll take the next in line”. Next in line does not mean that the last
person in line moves to the front of the newly opened line. It means THE NEXT IN LINE i.e. the person after the
person being waited on, not the jack-ass at the end or even the third in line! Now I am fully aware that this rule
can be, and will be abused by men, but it will be a small price to pay when you’re behind the yutz with a bag of
pennies at the grocery store.
I will abolish Ebonics; it’s not a goddamn language! If you are having trouble speaking English, even though you
were born here, then purchase Hooked on Phonics…for the love of god the starter kit is only $19.99! I am sick of
hearing - the Shiznit, Biznit… what the hell is that, where did it come from?
I will also require people to take a test for a parenting license. Now, I am borderline in the parenting area and
probably received a C- on the test, but I must be doing something right because I have yet to find pipe bomb fixens
in my sons room (you must always snoop around, kids LIE!) and my daughter has yet to run off with some perv from
the internet.
Ok… that’s it!…I think?
Next week: What I did
last Saturday night…go ahead guess!
Email Hooty!
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