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Why you shouldn’t eat 2 pounds of grapes and take a 4-hour ride to Hershey Park.
I know I promised this story a while ago but this is a delicate subject that required a lot of thought, to word
correctly. Actually, I didn’t have anything else to write about today. I have been in a really crappy mood lately.
Besides hating my job, it has been raining for a month and I can’t take it any more. But I know you don’t want
to hear my problems, besides if you sitting there reading this you have problems of your own to contend with.
ON WITH THE SHOW…
Every one has this Uncle. Not the creepy one that only comes up out of the basement on Easter, the one that is
the troublemaker/whiner. He is generally the youngest sibling of your parents and he reminds them constantly that
he was the neglected one, the baby who never got anything. Well finally this uncle got something no one else in
the family got, a trip to Hershey park with an 8 year old and a 7 year old who ate two pounds of grapes the night
before the big day.
My Uncle *Joe decided that he was going to do something nice for his seven year old daughter and his Goddaughter
(me off course, I get the broke godfather). He had it all planed, he and his daughter were coming to our summer
home in Maryland to spend the night and in the bright early summer morning we were going to Hershey Park. Wahooo!!
It was a good plan, and it sounded like a lot of fun, little did he know while he was outside yucking it up with
my parents and the neighbors, my cousin and I were systematically cramming grape after sweet juicy grape in our
mouths while watching Charlie’s Angels. It was amazing, in the one hour episode of action packed Angels action
two pounds of grapes had disappeared quicker than Farrah’s sanity. My cousin and I panicked when we saw the empty
bowl, so we did what any kid would do, we hid the bowl in my baby sisters room (she was only two, she could take
the rap and come out unscathed) and went to bed.
When we woke bright and early on trip day no one said a word about the missing grapes. My cousin and I nodded across
the table at each other (to show the mutual respect that children have for each other when the prefect crime has
been committed). And it’s at this point over the bowls of Cheerios that it all went bad. To this day, I still think
if we hadn’t eaten the Cheerios that we would have made it.
We boarded my Uncle’s brand new canary yellow van with canary yellow extra thick shag carpeting and we were on
our way. We had made it to the Maryland/Delaware border when my cousin had her first stabbing belly pains. I was
in the back and I remember her saying “ daddy, my belly hurts” and all I could think was, “Damn her she is going
to ruin this trip, stupid baby”. Just as I was finishing this thought my cousin erupted with explosive diarrhea,
and let me tell you its not really as funny as you think it would be.
Next week, the conclusion
of our story: How to get Dookie out of Yellow shag carpeting.
* The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, because frankly there are no innocent.
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