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Chick Shit for Chic Chicks!
I get a lot of mail from pathetic people asking me tips on dating, especially tips
for the dreaded first date.
Answering this mail would be a complete waste of time on my part since I figure that anyone who would ask for tips
on something as simple as dating is a loser.
Yet I do answer mail in my column every week from losers, so I guess I have that double standard thing going on.
Remember, it's my column, so I can do what I want.
Take this week's column. I'm NOT going to answer someone's cry for help. Instead, I'm going to give all of you
some dating tips so I guess you can say that I'm a liar since I said I wouldn't answer any mail about first dates.
Whatever. Just read what I write and you'll become a better person.
FIRST DATE DO'S:
1) Don't wear any makeup. Make
him see you as you really are (I have natural beauty so I look good with or without makeup). If he likes what he
sees, he'll come back. If he doesn't, sleep with him anyway since guys like to get laid, even by ugly women.
2) Make sure he picks you up from
where you live. Invite him in as you get ready and then invite him to sleep with you. This way, if you find that
you don't like him later during the date, at least you got some.
3) When you're out in public,
pretend you're ignoring him and scope out the other guys. This will make him jealous and he'll really want to sleep
with you to prove his manhood. If you do this properly, you can have sex at the beginning of the date and at the
end.
4) If you want to get rid of him
for any reason, just tell him you have a social disease. Check to see if he still wants to sleep with you though.
5) If he's one of "those
guys" that doesn't believe in sex on the first date, start crying. I guarantee he'll sleep with you then.
6) Make him pay for everything.
If he complains, tell him that you'll sleep with him.
7) When the date is over, give
him a friendly hug. DON'T kiss him. Hugging him will make him want and fantasize about you more. You CAN kiss him
during sex, but no goodbye kiss!!
And there you have my 7 dating rules. I have used them for many, many years and have had many, many dates, so they
do work. If they don't work for you then you have some serious issues that you should seek professional help for.
NEXT WEEK: What about
the second date?
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